Tonight is our first session as a couple with a firm decision. We've done this several months ago, but my counselor wanted to see me alone because I was having so many problems with obsessing. As stated, I think the worst is behind me and now I'm ready for the real work. NY, your words of wisdom has helped me more than my counselor! I talked to my H last night and told him that I'm ready to start the hard work of rebuilding our M. I apologized for my past behavior and that I've been able to set my emotions aside and decided that our M was worth saving. He was totally unresponsive, he just looked at me and told me he had to regroup because he thought we were preparing for a D. He said that he as reserving any comments for now, the "proof is in the puddin" (southern lingo, I'm from the South). He said that I've said this before, which I have, but I reminded him that that was the past. You wanted a decision from me and here it is. He is very distant and he behaves like something is bothering him greatly. We talked this morning a bit and we are going to counseling so maybe, he'll take me for my word.
I'm going to run your suggestion of changing the dynamics of our R with my counselor and ask him to teach my H and me skills of rebuilding.
I can't say that I've read After the Affair, but I've read others. Torn Asunder, Love Must be Tough, Surving An Affair and many, many other articles. This I think is why I've had so much trouble. I read these, I see what my H should be doing to help with my healing but he's really not doing much of it and he doesn't want to read the books. He feels that he has all the answers, and the thing that needs to be done, is to stop talking about it, nothing more, nothing less. He has shared pretty much everything about the A and he is through anwering questions. From what I read, he should be a little more patient but he thinks it just opens up the wounds and he doesn't want to hurt me any further. He is now of the opinion, the less I know the less I will have to overcome.
I am having trouble becoming physical with him. Is this also normal? I think he feels that he is being rejected. I don't think I'm ready for this. Ijust don't have that desire right now.
