I try to imagine me with my H and it frightens me... I don't get over things easily so I'm a little scared that I will fail if I feel that I may not be successful in something, I usually don't engage.
Is that a manifestaton of 'fear of the future'? We imagine scenarios that scare us, fear of the unknown. It's our minds playing tricks on us. The future is unwritten and can go many ways, not the ways our scary imaginations tell us.
During working hours, I want to make the M work, as soon as we're together and having fun, I want out of the M. Is that normal also?
For you it's normal.
Sounds a bit like a distance/pursuer thing. Like a seesaw. When things are distant, you want them, when they're close, you back off. Don't back off, and thus change the dynamic. Keep close to you those reasons that make you feel like working on the relationship.
When is your first counseling session as a couple? Are you getting a copy of "After The Affair"?
