KDU, Appreciate your kind comments, they're way too complimentary.
My problem is my H won't allow me to talk about the A at all!!!
And you still have a need to talk about it, right? He's gotta understand that.
"Do I want to disrespect myself and stay with him?" "Don't I deserve better?" "Will I be better off without him since he reminds me daily of the pain he caused me?"
When you look at these types of questions, the category they fall under is "righteous indignation", and thinking on those lines is not going to help you move forward, but will sabotage your efforts at reconciling.
It is NOT disrespecting yourself to stay with him. You are staying with him to attempt a noble work, that of restoring the health of your relationship. The only reason you would think this thought is because you are still equating him with his act of betrayal, in other words, you are carrying forward the resentment into today's situation. Dwelling in the past.
And he's not the one that reminds you of your pain. You're reminding you of your pain, he's the trigger. Why can't he remind you of all the good things? It's your choice to decide what he will remind you of.
Really, if you don't get yourselves to a marriage counselor and get some help, not just advice from this forum, they way you're going, you will end up divorced. And you won't be any happier when that happens. You have an opportunity right now to restore your marriage, and you're not seizing it, you're letting it slip through your fingers and killing it. It will be too late when you realize the chance you had.
