Thanks for the advise. My problem is my H won't allow me to talk about the A at all!!! I try and try to search deep into my soul and ask the hard questions such as "do I love him enough and do the hard work?" "Do I want to disrespect myself and stay with him?" "Don't I deserve better?" "Will I be better off without him since he reminds me daily of the pain he caused me?" I can't answer these questions without go back and forth. One minute, I say heck no, I don't want to put anything into this marriage. He made a choice to disolve the M when he decided to cheat. I do deserve better. If I met him today, I would run from him. The next minute I'm very much in favor of working things out with him. Things in our marriage must change and the change scares my H. He is a very private person and he hates sharing information with me (i.e. finances, passwords, etc.). He finds it to a total invasion of privacy, but for now he's willing and I guess that is a step in the right direction. H seems very depressed lately because our lives are on hold and he hates being in limbo. He doesn't care which way the road leads, he just wants us to move on. I think the healthier marriages are the ones that are accountable to each other but he thinks I'm treating him like a child and he hates me checking up on him. I'm can say truthfully that I have battered him verbally about his A but I think the worst is behind us. Now I think I can discuss the A more rationally but the problem is now he won't discuss it at all. He says we've talked about it enough and we need to leave the past behind us and move on. I'm sure that is a good way to look at it but I can't seem to let it go. I'm working on it and I think for the last few days I've been better but now my H seems to be the angry, doom and gloom person and now I feel that I'm the blame for all of this so now I've shifted the responsibility to me and now I find myself trying harder than him and my goodness, I wasn't the one who cheated. I try to encourage him but he keeps making statements like we're just putting off the D because in the end, we know that's what is going to happen. He further says that he doesn't want the M to continue if "I" can't get over this. So now all the responsibility is on me and I can't make that decision. I keep searching for guidance from God and I want to be patient because the decision is bigger than me and I don't want to disappoint God. There is a lot of damage in our M and I'm not sure that it can be repaired, but so far neither of us have given up so I stay the course. I just don't know how long my H will give me to make the decision before he tires of it and makes it for me.
