My W says I wasn't affectionate enough in the relationship that I cared only about myself.

So was every cuddle read by you as a signal for sex?... were you the typical male?...grope first,I love you's and compliments etc later if she was lucky and you had'nt already fallen asleep..

Now going "dark" has worked in the past with her initiating contact but it seems I have to keep doing it as she pulls away.

Backing off is a lot like fishing,you cast you line and wait for a bite..well your wife is nibbling but she has'nt bitten down on the hook yet,meanwhile you are attempting to reel her in.Of course she slip away every time.

DJC the proper emotional attitude towards you is not existant in your wife to any large degree as yet.She is not committed to "making a go of it" as such and wont be until she is convinced it is in her best interest to be reeled in.That will take you convincing her of your changes..by showing her actions not words(although combined with actions your words carry wieght and will influence her)....


Go dark she comes, go light she pulls back. I want to try something different and although going dark works I am not sure it is the most effective too I could be using.

Well are you communicating effectievly?...are you listening to her...hearing what she wants...have you been dark long enough?
Have you mixed it up a bit?...have you run Hot and Cold on her?...give it some thought.I feel your to anxious to "run with it" the moment she draws a little nearer.You need to be a bit more aloof and nonchalont.

Any ideas how I can be affectionate to W and not be pursuing?

Well I could give you a thousand ideas but firstly is that what she wants right now?..
and if it is what kind of things mean affection to her....not to any one else but her?

Royce(MICK) [Smile]