I'm still doing the "light / dark" dance for the past year. Sometimes for a day or two, sometimes just for a matter of minutes. However, it IS getting to be less as time goes on. Questions for you....
When you "go light", how bright are you getting? Is it something that may be seen as overwhelming to her, or do you turn it up just gradually? Is it all or nothing? Have you tried staggering your distancing, maybe added some mystery, or have you been an open book?
Do you know what ways your wife wants to be shown affection? Not what YOU would want, but what SHE wants? (This one's tough, because it varies from person to person) Have you ever taken a look at the 5 love languages book? If you have, where does she fall in?
What things do you do when you're together? What are some of her favorite things in life? Favorite colors or smells? Favorite foods? Favorite movies, especially light-hearted, and / or funny movies?
What are her strengths? Her weaknesses? Her most signicant accomplishments that she's proud of? What does she hope to yet accomplish? (And not just career stuff, but as a person.) What are some things you know about her that no one else might? (Try to focus on the good.)
What things could you do to help build up her self-esteem, and make her feel better about herself when she's with you?
What are the things that both you and she are doing when she begins distancing, and what could you do to throw something different into the mix?
Do you think I ask too many questions?
JJ
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