I haven't posted much, but have followed your sitch for awhile. You have gotten some good advice to take things easy and to guard your heart. From my experience, having issued an ultimatum to my WAH, be very careful. My ultimatum caused him to come back out of insecurity of losing me as an option when he knew he wasn't ready to commit and break things off with OW. We "pretended" to be on the right track for a couple of weeks before I found out that he hadn't stopped seeing her. That first time he came back, I felt very hopeful for us. Since the second time he left saying "I won't give up my friendship with her, because you are just trying to control what I do and who I see!", it is VERY hard to get past that and trust him now, but at least he's committed this time! It wasn't until HE was the one who noticed me GAL and started to really make HIS choice that he let go and came home to commit. It wasn't until I said "you know what, I love you, but I can't do this alone. I'm here for you, but I won't put my life on hold for you. I can't build a M with someone between us, and I won't. It's your decision, your decision entirely... I'm not shutting a door, but I'm not leaving it open indefinately either. I don't know the time frame Im talking about, but I have my limit. If you come back and want me and that door is open, good for you, if it's not, then you'll have to deal with that too. In the meantime, I'm going to be happy.. if you want to be the one who makes me happy, it's going to take a commitment and a lot of work... with or without you.. I'm going to be happy and secure." It was an ultimatum, but it wasn't.. it was open ended and he started to worry and search his heart. I started showing him that I meant it by not being on his string, I never asked what he wanted again. He had to TELL ME and ASK ME to join him in recommiting to our M. If the decision had been any other way, it would have always equalled me controlling him.
I'm no expert, but if you have to issue an ultimatum for your sanity, mean it... for your own protection. I hope you have thought about it and are satisfied that he has met the conditions of your ultimatum. If you're not sure, go back and read your posts, and then read the post about what he said he would do. Is that the outcome you were looking for? or is it just the half-way mark? Is it just another way of being strung along without getting the result you needed? Is it just his way of keeping YOU from making the decision to move on without him because he can't commit right now? It just sounds to me that he got uncomfortable with the thought of losing you.. thought about it for awhile.. thinks he should probably get back together with you and knows that he had to do something (based on the times you asked him if he had made his decision), so he "kinda" made a decision and is hoping that will keep you available for awhile longer. Go back to your original post and look at what you asked him for. Have you gotten that? Have you gotten a definitive commitment to that or another promise of "in the future". Like I say, I'm no expert, but I know a thing about letting my H manipulate me into accepting less than I deserve.
You are such a sweet person. I can hear the love for your H in all of your posts. I'm so happy for you that he has given you hope for a future with him. Just please make sure to protect yourself and make sure that HE means it!
