KDU - not sure that I have great advice, since I am fairly new here, but I would say that you have a huge positive in front of you, and if you let yourself lay all your demands on the table, you might scare your H to back away. There will be a time and a place to tell him what you need in order to heal, but at the time he does come home, I think you need to have yourselves a bit of a honeymoon time, as long as you both understand you will be working through this for many years.
For what it's worth, my M went through an EA 8 yrs ago (almost 9 now) and we recovered, had another 7+ very happy years together, and then it all blew up again. In hindsight, while we did recover from his EA and for all those years we were happy, what we didn't deal with was that my H felt guilty, I forgave but he never quite forgave himself. Also, he didn't understand that I could forgive, but my feelings were not yet healed, and I needed reassurance from him time after time that he was recommitted to our M. So he would get resentful of my insecurities, thinking that meant I was still holding his EA against him, when actually it was just that my trust hadn't been totally restored - it takes time. I would say we quit our counseling too soon after we got back together that time. We were in honeymoon phase and thought we had it all together, but when this happens in M there will be little ripples of aftershock for years to come - just be prepared for that. Good luck - you have a lot to be thankful for, and I truly believe this can turn out to be all you are hoping for! I haven't read this book yet, but it was highly recommended to me (and this was featured on Oprah once, it was a good show)..."Back from Betrayal" by Marianne Williamson. And there is one called "After the Affair" that I have seen mentioned as a good resource. If I see any signs my H is coming around this time, I plan to be prepared!
