I AM MOVING ON FROM H & OW

[heatherg]

Hi Kim, my name's Heather, I've read a couple of your posts, your most recent sparked a couple of thoughts. I wouldn't call what I have to say advice, but maybe just thoughts that the others can comment on because I've never been in your situation the way they have. But here's what I was thinking: When you get into a new R with someone (which hopefully this is with your H, a new R, right?) you have to let them see the real you. You can't pretend to love baseball just b/c you know they love it. You can try really hard to appreciate it, but you have to be honest with them and let them know that it takes an effort on your part to appreciate it. If you give up parts of yourself in the beginning to make them like you or be who you think they want you to be, that makes no one happy in the end.
My point is, do you think that not expressing what you truly need from your H at this point is sort of like that? I know you don't want to push him toward OW and that this is sort of a delicate balance here, but he's expressed he wants to be back with you. So, now in order to do that, you have to tell him honestly what you need from him. Don't stifle yourself b/c you need to walk on eggshells for fear he'll go running back to OW. That is no way to live your life and is a fear you could have to live with forever if you don't face it now and let him prove to you that it is you he wants. I think part of the hesitation to tell him what you need is the fear that he won't want to give it. Like he's saying he wants to come back, but if he realizes he can't just waltz right back where things left off for the two of you, once he realizes there will be work involved, he'll change his mind. That's his right. But you owe it to yourself to be honest about what you need. You didn't go through all of this and learn all of these things about life and about yourself so you could forget it all as soon as he says he wants to come home did you?
Good luck, it sounds like it might be what you've been waiting for.