Thanks Hellkat, BQT1 and Yoyo you all make me smile and we really are all the same in same way shape or form aren't we. Now BB - God love you for answering and having the nerve to answer differently from everyone else but maybe that's because you are a male and possibly have a better insight to the male's head...Thankyou for your honesty and your thoughts as I am very confused over H's actions and want to believe there is some hope but don't want to feel used. I believe I am not being used as I am sure he can get s#x when he wants.....I will start venting and updating now which will respond to what you wrote BB and I would love to hear your reponse...... O.K. as you all know we had s#x Tuesday and Thursday. Friday H needed to pick up S, which he did and I didn't offer him to stay for long, I sort of hurried them up a bit as I said I needed to do a few things before going out.(trying to Db). So they left......I went to Docs did some stuff around the house and not much else not that my H needs to know that.....Anyhow Saturday H dropped off son and again I rushed him out the door as i was going with son to my mother's for lunch......Now this is where it all gets interesting......My mother sat me down and said "Kim I am very worried about you, I have never ever seen you this unhappy, it is affecting your health, your kids and every other relationship in your life.(well this set the water works going) anyhow she said You have always seemed a very strong woman and very outgoing you are neither of these things now that you are alone....Do you want your H back is that what has made you so unhappy? I answered her yes that I have never known such unhappiness in my life and that I regret that I possibly never let my H know how much he meant to me and how much I may have taken him forgranted until all of this happended.....My mother said well if that's the case then you need to have one last shot at this and I will help you so we had a big conversation about things and how we could go about them and she offered me a huge offer that will hurt me to do in some ways but one never the less that might work....I decided to give it a go and it might be against Dbing principles but I am sure you will see some of them amongst it......I rang H from mum's and just said Hi just wanted to know if you could come around an hour earlier than normal in the morning b4 football as I need to have a chat with you....He said yeh that should be fine and I said Thankyou I appreciate it, I will see you in the morning. H said o.k. see you then and I hung up.....This is what I said to him......
O.K. I have asked you here as I want to put forward a proposition to you but before I say it I need to say a few things first and I would like for you to just listen and when I am finished if you want to make comments or discuss it that is fine but I want you to know I am not going to pressure you for an answer today, I want you to think about it and let me know as soon as you make a decision but i cannot let this go on for a long time either so I would hope i would have an answer in the next week or so....Anyhow Hun I love you, you know that but I want to say that I have been desperately unhappy for the last 6 months and I have tried and tried to get over all this and try and have a life without you but I can't. I have given our R alot of thought and whilst I am disappointed that you seeked solace in someone else's arms I think I understand how I pushed you to this. I truly believe Tone(Tony is his name) that I took you for granted and didn't put your wants & needs first. You had a major crisis in your family around the time that you started with OW and although I thought I was being supportive I realise now that I didn't support you enough. I was so busy trying to support everyone else (friends etc) that I didn't give you the time you needed. You were working long hours and when you would come home there could be anyone at our house and your privacy had gone. There were times you proboably wanted to come home and have peace & quiet to unwind but someone else was there or you may have wanted to come home and have time with just you and me but someone else was there so of course you started talking to someone else instead of me and she was understanding and gave you the support you needed and that's how it developed into something more because I wasn't there for you. All I can do is say I never intended to do this and that I am so sorry and will never let it happen again. You are the most important person in my life and if given the chance I will make sure you feel it every day for the rest of your life....Now darl my proposition.....I had 2 children when we met and you took them on as your own right from the start and we love you for that but we have never ever had time alone to work on us it was always as an instant family. I will never give up my children but Mum has offered for the children to live with her for a couple of months if that is what it takes for us to rebuild our marriage. They will still come and stay and I will visit them every day after work but if you came home it would be you and myself only for a little while and then if we were successful in rekindling our love and marriage the kids would then come home to make our family complete....I know if you end your current R it would be hard at work as she works there as do her friends so my suggestion for that if you agree to come home is for you to take holidays and once you start your hols you then tell OW that you are coming home, that way you don't need to see her or her friends at work, we look for another job for you if that's what you want and if we haven't found one b4 hols end then you can resign and we will live on my wage for awhile....If you want to sort things out with your Mum and Dad I will support you on that to by going with you or staying home whilst you sort it out. I want to offer you a whole new beginning in every way and want to make you happy again so all I ask of you now is does this offer seem interesting enough to you to at least give it some thought......He answered yes it does and I said fine then what I propose is that we have no contact for a week or two so that you don't feel pressured by me and you contact me when you are ready......He said that would be fine....Anyhow I then said I have one favour to ask and that is that you don't mention it to OW until you have made your mind up whichever way it goes as I think it would be better to have no pressure from either of us and he said he agreed and he wouldn't mention it. I then said if you feel the need to contact me then ring me but I will not contact you....he said that sounded fine.... So there you go a rather big deal for me and whilst to some of you it may look like I am neglecting my children that is so far from the case. I love my children but at the moment I am so desperately unhappy that I am making them unhappy so if i can get my life sorted out with H and give them the happy home life they deserve it is worth it....If H decides to stay with OW then the kids will know no different anyhow and I will then have to deal with myself somehow but I will cross that brige when I come to it....I have layed my cards on the table for the good of all involved and to try and not have this drag on any longer than necessary....Some may say he should have been able to make up his mind then and there but I truly feel he is very confused as the OW has been there for him when he feels I wasn't and makes him feel comfortable so I am sure he possibly has feelings for both of us so now I guess he has to work out which one of us has the stronger pull on his feelings......BB how do you assess this and any other males let me know what your thoughts would be if you were in my H's shoes......He didn't say no and I would have thought if he didn't want to be with me he would have said something like "Look Kim I don't want to hurt you but this is never going to work, I love her now and my feelings for you just aren't there"....but he didn't so I feel I have a 50/50 chance and now I go dark and wait for him to contact me, which will be hard but this needs to end one way or the other....I did also tell him that as much as I wanted to be friends with him if this didn't work I didn't believe I could be at the moment as I still love him and it hurts too much to see him too often if friends is all we can be, down the track I would have to see but for the moment I couldn't handle it.......My H did say to me that he really loves it and feels comfortable when I sit like I did and speak calmly to him and that I didn't go on and on about the same thing so I guess I have learnt something.....O.K. guys bring it on give me your thoughts as I am sure that alot of you have different ideas on what I have done but sometimes you have ......KDU
......KDU 
