quote:Originally posted by Jamesjohn: You don't HAVE to move out in order to give her space.
quote:Originally posted by Phoenix: Thank You! That's what I was trying to explain to rearely on his last thread but I think my fingers get all twisted sometimes...
This thread has taken a really important turn. So many people try techniques that are comfortable for them (going dark when they usually withdraw or become extra supportive when they usually hover) - But they're likely to have more success if they dip into what is uncomfortable for them. And if they expect the object of their DBing to react in strange ways. Usually with more of their same, or a negative reaction at first and probably for a while; depending on the situation.
I especially appreciate Michele jumping in there and clarifying that. Thanks again JJ for another Gem!
OK now i am really confused
let me c if i can make sense from my perspective:
if i stay dark then, based on my past performance(pre DB), i am not changing... my SO will continue 2 slip away, whether i stay at home or not.
if i take charge (of myself) and stay in the house; this can b seen as pursuit, manipulative or, 2 little 2 late. however this is also likely 2, with adjustments, have the greatest benefit in the long term 4 ME if i stay constant so the changed me becomes the REAL me
sorry if i seem thick, mispent youth, lost brain cells, etc
