I AM MOVING ON FROM H & OW

[Burgbud]

KDU...look at you! Hopefully NYS will weigh in here with a bit more caution than I'm about to display.

From one of your early posts:

In the end he said his feelings for her were too strong to deny and he couldn't give it a proper go with me until he knew what the future held for them.

Looks like the tide has turned a bit, eh? Now she's pressuring him to stay away from you and you're playing it cool. That's really pretty positive...can you bask in feeling good about that without raising your expectations too much? Because there'll probably be some backsliding on his part before it's all over. But if you can continue to show him you're the new you whether he's the man in your life or not, I can't think why he wouldn't continue to be attracted by that. Especially if Ow is putting pressure on his confused a55, while you're just being a helluva woman that some dude is going to be awfully lucky to be with some day.

As for ML, that's always dangerous because it's so emotional. If you can do it without damaging your self-esteem and mindset at all then it's probably helpful. But don't make it easy on him. Think of it like DR talks about invitations when you're coming out of LRT: accept some of them but not all of them. Figure out some good reasons right now why you wouldn't be available at his beck and call. But if you can handle it mentally and emotionally, have your way with him when you're in the mood!

As for forgiving him and letting him move back in, he's probably going to have to earn his way back. From the way you sound, I'd say you're looking for an opportunity to build your R back, not for him to just pop back into your life. One common thread I'm starting to see across this board is when the DBers get stronger and happier with themselves, they get a little wary of jeopardizing that by just letting a spouse, who may have all the problems they had to begin with, waltz back into their lives. Amazingly, very few if any seem to want to see their wayward spouse come back crawling. Most just want to see growth or a commitment to growth and change.