I am no expert on this whole DB thing, but I think if your H seems interested in having coffee with you... GO FOR IT! Even if he has said to you "I am not in love with you anymore" or "I want a divorce", don't necessarily believe it. Even if he has been standoffish, don't reject the idea of spending some alone time with him. It is possible that he is confused and is still trying to figure out whether he should stay in your marriage or not. He may be wondering if he can ever "be in live with you again". Sometimes spending some quality time together reminds people of the love they have for their spouse. I would take advantage of this opportunity to connect and spend time with him if he is willing. I would not insist that he stay for coffee, but don't turn your back on the idea either. Spending some time together with NO RELATIONSHIP TALK may be just what it takes to remind him that your marriage is worth keeping! Kim... there may be people out here on the BB that disagree with what I have to say, but I think that your ultimate goal is for your H to realize that "the grass isn't any greener on the other side" and to show more interest in your marriage again. If you do have coffee with him, do your best to be in good spirits and "perky" when you talk with him... And, DO NOT talk about OW!!
I have learned that when I was having problems with my H, that we were both hurting so much inside that we ended up hurting each other (ie: criticizing and putting each other down). I was focusing on my H's faults and with him being "bombarded" with constant complaints, he was very tempted to seek the company of someone else who was more appreciative of his good qualities. My H and I were not spending enough "alone" time together and not making our relationship a priority. I believe that my H felt neglected, taken for granted and ignored towards the end of our relationship. Unfortunately, he allowed these feelings to fester which led to him feeling angry and resentful. I now realize that because of this, ANY attention from outside (ie: OW) begins to feel VERY welcomed. Although my H PROMISES me that he never had an affair, I know that when he felt insecure in our marriage he tried to "test the waters" and he did become "flirtatious" with women at work.
IMHO... IF you do have coffee with your H, try to compliment your H , rather than criticize him. Try your best to say or do things that help to make him feel appreciated. The only thing that you can really do is try to be supportive, not too pushy, and BE PATIENT... Good luck, Kim... Hang in there! -OC KIM
