You know how X is always late? Well, today he wasn't. Today is DD2's 8th birthday.
I got up late, ate lesirely breakfast, and then proceeded to have a relaxing shower and shower DD4.
Half way through washing DD4's hair - whilst, I hasten to add, I was still naked, there was a knock at the door. I just knew it was him.
I jumped out the shower and gave DD4 a towel.
X shouted 'Hey Jo, it's me!'
I said 'Just a minute, I'm not dressed!'
I put on the old clothes I'd been wearing before and answered the door, my hair all over the place etc, and DD4 was just standing there without a stitch on.
I let him in, saying 'You're early!'
He grinned at me and said never rely on him to be late. I rushed off, rather embarrassed, to get DD4's clothes and then gave them to him so he could dress her, then I went in search of a cardigan.
When I came back, he'd put DD4's dress on back to front so I said, Andy, that's back to front, so he had to take her clothes off and put them back on again.
He asked what I'd got DD2 for her birthday, so I fetched the bag with her present and card in. I've got her a recorder with a little book that teaches you how to play simple tunes. We talked about the present and X asked me what I'd been doing lately. I told him about going out for dinner with my friend and getting drunk, and that we are going to Sherwood Forest next week.
He told me that he'd been at Tescos (supermarket) in my town till 1am, buying party food and he was exhausted. Apparently he'd done it on the way back from his religious meeting and now he's got to go and put all these gazebo's up in the garden.
I told him he was crazy and he took hold of my hand and just stayed like that, holding my hand for a couple of minutes. He was kinda rubbing his fingers in circles round my hand. I thought, shite, this is not supposed to happen now, so I let go of his hand, but believe me, that nearly killed me because underneath it all, I liked it.
It was SO difficult to pull away.
We talked about his grandparents and the times I need him to watch DD4 while I go to the fertility clinic and then they left and he said he wouldn't be back till late evening. I said to him that I wanted to hear from DD2 how the party went and what she thought of her present.
He said okay, then I said goodbye.
I think I just loused everything up and am now preparing for the firing squad!
Do you suppose that love charm I bought is working?
Because ever since I bought it, he's been all over me. First the text kiss, then he's chatting to me, now he's trying to hold my hand, and he's been round here more than usual.
You didn't louse anything up. I think it was the right move to take your hand away. Keep him on the hook. Keep him wanting more. He'll be around more often. Just don't give in to anything to easily. He'll probably enjoy the challenge. Before you know it he'll be wrapped around your little finger.
And NO, it's not the charm that's working. It's your charm.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Jo It sounds like things are moving along nicely. Andy on time=maybe he is mending his ways or respecting you more. Chatting=he is making time for you. Holding your hand=he likes to be around you. Maybe not shaging OW2.
Keep on the "You have to respect me" theme so you don't get taken advantage of. Even if you have a past history and current history with your girls, slow and respectfull might get you wher you want to be. It will also register with Andy he has to earn your respect back. All of this may not lead to living together but I hope it atleast leads to you seeing your girls more and eliminates the blow ups / rowls.
When X and BIL were here last night, they kept making sex jokes etc and then X launched into this speech about how M is rubbish because hand-fastings are better, so I felt a bit upset by that and he could tell.
Sometimes I think I am just one walking vagina to these guys, honestly.
Anyway, I couldn't sleep and was up at 4am being sick etc (I think stress). This morning I couldn't get up and I've not had a drink all day because of nausea. DD4 is still in her nightie and it's 1pm now.
I rang X and asked if he could watch her, he said no because he's taking ex-ow's son back to Norwich today, so I asked if DD1 would come round and help me with her little sister. He said yes.
I went back to sleep. Later I woke up to find a message on my phone asking if OW2 could bring DD1 round!!!!
Here's where I lost it. I phoned him up, shouting and in tears about how he and his flippin' brother just treat me like a sex object and I bet he just thinks I will roll over the minute he wants a f**k. I said he was only holding my hand etc so that I would let him have DD4 whenever he wants and that he thinks I am a little prostitute he can just come round here and behave like that and then have the nerve to ask to send his little strumpet round here!
Wow, I was livid. Honestly, I bet SHE doesn't know he sex talks to me, and I bet SHE doesn't know he looks through my cell phone without my permission, and I bet SHE doesn't know he was round here yesterday, flippin' holding my hand.
To give you more detail, he and BIL were joking that I was still in the shower when he turned up and then BIL started talking about this black lingerie set I've got (don't know how he knows about it), and then X said I should have answered the door wearing that see-through babydoll I've got.
Then they noticed I've got my book cover as wallpaper for my computer so that's when X started on about M being outdated and hand-fastings are the future etc.
Considering I missed my DD's birthday because of his other women, and he didn't bother to bring DD round, I was already sensitive. I mean, of all the subjects to discuss with your ex-wife, it has to be lingerie, sex and marriage being outdated! I wanted to slap him.
I was happy that morning because things seemed to be going well and I thought he was going to come back with DD later on. Instead he brings BIL and the two of them just take the piss out of me.
So anyway, I rounded on him about OW2 and how he's so loose with sex he just thinks I am an escort girl.
He said it wasn't like that, he had to take ex-ow's son back home and would be out all day so he tried to think of a solution to my problem. He thinks sending OW2 here is a solution!? I said you are just doing it to wind me up like you always do, you have NO respect for me and I am always at the bottom of your list of priorities.
I pointed out to him that ex-ow's son (who is 22 and more than capable of managing his own life) is not his family, that DD4 and I are family so instead of helping me out and watching our DD like he should do, he's galivanting half way across the country with a man that isn't even his son.
To make matters worse, when he went home last night, he and BIL got drunk and stoned on dope and he was hungover. Honestly, he upsets me to the point of tears, treats me like his little call girl, then f**ks off home to get high on drugs.
I told him he should have been apologising to me instead of smoking dope. I said that whenever he comes round here, it's just to talk about sex or taunt me with his OW. I said he's always busy, hurried or late and if he could spend hours getting drunk and stoned, then why could not he and BIL and the kids have spent more time round here?
Oh, I was FUMING. I said I was so stressed out I was being sick last night and you were bloody smoking dope! and now you have the NERVE to leave messages about OW2 on my phone!!!
I just let all my resentment, hurt, anger, you name it, come out at once and I was crying at him down the phone and swearing.
He was trying to say 'it's not like that' etc etc but I wasn't listening. It IS bloody like that!
He said he couldn't talk, he was too busy taking ex-ow's 22 yr old son home, and he said 'I'll talk to you later.'
I said 'No you bloody won't.'
Then he put the phone down.
Ugh. Great stuff Jo. I'm going back to bed in a minute as I still feel ill.
Sorry to hear about you sit., I hope you feel better.
quote: To make matters worse, when he went home last night, he and BIL got drunk and stoned on dope and he was hungover. Honestly, he upsets me to the point of tears, treats me like his little call girl, then f**ks off home to get high on drugs.
Jo, when my W was using drugs there was no way to make sense out of what she was doing. I feel for you. Drugs whether they are narcotics, alcohol or just "weed" affect the minds of the users. I agree that some are more dangerous than others but they are all mind altering.
I am guessing that he is smoking marijuana, some people think thats no big deal. They think weed is somehow ok to use, but every drug affects proper thinking. Has he always used or is this a new phase?
During withdrawls my W was mean to me and the kids, during the use or being high she was happy, not scared of anything and now I realize also horny from the drugs (not because she wanted me).
Yes it was weed. He has always smoked it, although during our M I stopped him the majority of the time.
He took me to a dope party at his parent's house (his step-dad smokes it), when I was 21 and he offered me weed (I refused), then this stoned guy called Ady fell into my DD's bedroom and woke them up and made them cry because he was drunk. They were only 2 and a half and a few months old at the time.
I was furious. I shouted at Ady and then went to bed early with the door locked. When Andy came to bed I made him promise never to smoke weed again.
He never did to my knowledge for the rest of the marriage, at least never in front of me. Then when he left in April 02 he admitted that he had taken up smoking it again.
I think on the whole it's mild, and it doesn't concern me too much if it's not in front of the children, but I am angry that he could upset me like that in front of his brother, show no thought for how he made me feel, and to still be chasing me around when he has this OW2! Then to do that and go off smoking and drinking and having fun.
It's like his life is one huge party and he doesn't care about the suffering he causes to others.
Well, he's apologised twice for the above. He phoned me at 11pm and said 'I just wanted to say I hope you're feeling better and I'm sorry for being insensitive. Hope to catch you soon.'
Then this morning I found a text message on my phone 'I wanted to apologise for being insensitive and I hope you're feeling better (smiley face)'
Feeling better? I hope you're not still under the weather. He and his brother have no right to treat you like a piece of meat. You weren't feeling your best, but a lot of the going off on him sounded as though you had expectations that he would treat you like his wife. The reality of his priorities probably set you back. Maybe as a result of upbraiding him he got the message that you would like to be treated more respectfully.
I have the same problem with my ex. She never bothers to show any interest in my kids. I felt as their ex-stepmom that she would at least wonder how they did in swimming. My anger over her not even asking though is related to my expectations of how she should act. But the truth is that she isn't my wife or my kids' stepmother so it really isn't my place to rail on her about it. Of course in both our situations we can keep in mind how they behaved and at least consider that if they are this way now what would be the difference if we were back together.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
so I said, Andy, that's back to front, so he had to take her clothes off and put them back on again.