I am fighting tears now, ugh, I hate contact with X.
He wanted to know if he could take DD4 camping next Tuesday for a few days. I said yes because it doesn't clash with any of my day trips.
Then he asked if I wanted to come to DD2's birthday (she will be 8) as he is having a barbeque with a load of home ed people and other kids.
I asked if OW2 will be there (I have deduced she is called 'Maddie' - rather appropriate, she'd have to be MAD to get involved with him), he said he wasn't sure, but maybe.
I said no. Ugh. I can't imagine anything worse than going to a party with whore 1 and whore 2, and all these home ed people I've never met who evidently know I'm non-custodial, that I know he gossips with about me because he said so.
I said he wouldn't get me there if he paid me. I asked him why we can't just do a separate party for her, i.e, he has one with his whores etc and then we do another one just for our family.
He said he didn't have any other time free. Yeah right.
I told him that there seems little point in me going anyway when I am not allowed to be involved in any other part of her life.
He said he was inviting me so I don't accuse him of not inviting me like I did with DD1.
I told him hell would have to freeze over before I went anywhere near his house.
He said fine, I was just asking, see you on Tuesday.
Jo, I'm sorry that you are hurting. You have every right to be concerned about X's treatment of you, as well as keeping yourself away from the OW.
You're communicating boundaries to him, which is good. I'm sure you're venting a bit more on the BB than you might to him, but I'd caution against venting anger directly at him. He just seems incapable of responding well to that. He's too weak to hold/accept your emotion right now.
I liked your suggestion of a compromise, and I wouldn't be surprised if he comes thru w/ an offer in the near future. Just as he 'learned' from DD1's Bday (not inviting you) to this one (inviting you), he may learn to consider your request for a separate celebration. I think this will be more likely the safer he feels with you, which might be driven by how friendly you 2 are. It may not feel like it right now, but you are the stronger of the two, and his control merely highlights his weakness.
Hang in there, Jo. Keep thinkign about those positives in your life.
Oh believe me Gabe, I did say everything I put in my post, to X except I left out the whore bit and just called her 'that woman' (I refuse to refer to either of them by name, although EX-OW ocassionally gets called Mrs Simpson because that's her name and there was this woman called Mrs Simpson who was in love with this English king and he forfeited the throne to be with her because she was a divorcee and a commoner - therefore I like playing on the 'Mrs Simpson' theme and it drives EX-OW nuts ).
I am so furious at the way he's been treating me and the way he throws himself around that I am beyond trying to be nice to him. To me there's no point. I'm not going to get my kids, I'm not going to get him and even if I could have him I'm not sure I would when he seems to have slept with half the home ed women in Britain.
Ugh. It's a good job I got a HIV test a couple of months back which was negative, otherwise I would be worried.
Honestly, it just feels to me like if I'm nice to him when he treats me bad he has no reason to treat me any better, and I feel trapped and hemmed in by him. He seems to have been contacting me every flipping day lately and I just don't want to hear from him.
I feel pretty miserable now and think I should just leave this board because everyone is sick of me and I am a disaster zone.
That's really sweet of you. I just feel so pointless sometimes because I wanted to help people and then I end up too down to post on their threads, so I am about as much use as a chocolate teapot.
Update: My publisher was confiding in me that he's struggling (still doing my book and everything, he's just a small company and not terribly rich) so I've been giving him some publicity advice as I trained in media and advertising when I was 16 in college.
Then I asked X if he'd help publisher with a snazzy new website. I hated to contact him but he won best website award 2003/04 for my business and I know there is no one out there as good at it as him.
I gave him a few details via text (did not want to phone him) and said I'd discuss it with him when he comes to get DD4 on Tuesday.
Then he text back:
'Okay then. x.
Kiss????
I don't get it???
WHY would he send me a kiss? What about OW2? What is he playing at? (btw, he NEVER sends me kisses unless he wants me).
Maybe we need to define it, was it just a small kiss (x) or a big kiss (X)? (sorry, Jo, Andy is giving me a giggle today)
Could it have just been a slip, otherwise maybe he is being overly nice in regards to the bday party. Or I suppose he could be drunk.
Either way, take care of yourself. I think it is hardest when they are overly nice. I never know what to expect next when my ex is nice and not sure whether to trust him. T
The trouble is, I DO know what to expect from him, he's done it so many times before. He wants me - ugh. He's trying to reel me in again.
I mean, to start with he said we should both do all our special ocassions separately, then he invited me to DD2's party, only a couple of weeks after he said that.
Then he said OW2 'maybe' coming to the party, and 'I don't know' (doesn't sound like he is overly committed to their R).
He bl**dy tries to run me over with his car, and a couple of weeks later he says he'll always love me.
).
