What a powerful update! I saw a lot of clearing of the air for both of you. What a sizable lesson for me to see you skillfully reaffirming your values and love re Andy and your M, yet setting firm boundaries regarding what you will/will not accept. He came out swinging (lawyer) and you quickly diffused the whole attack. Wonderful!
In my sitch, a recently D'd associate keeps pressing me to hire a L "just in case" W acts out re S5. My take is why involve profit-oriented outsiders when no one cares about the family/kids like the two of us? So well done here, Jo!
In terms of the R, I see big steps taken. You sure know him well.
Quote: he still wants to be in my life and he hates it when I do anything great on my own.
Probably more so that he's threatened by your success/changes, cause you're that much more likely to move/leave him. I think your brief admission of love for him will promptly diffuse this anxiety, but only for a bit. Then he'll be back to his worrisome ways.
But you're also modeling for him how one succeeds. A cooling off period of 'neutrality' might be the very thing he needs to begin/continue his own growth.
I like how the girls got to have access to you via this olive branch extension of yours.
