A few days ago I got a letter from X's lawyer, asking me to remove the children's names from my book or they would apply for an injunction to stop me printing it.
I rang his lawyer directly, fuming, and told her that X and I had only ever discussed this matter once and that was during an argument. I told her if she sent me one more letter I would take action against her myself. She asked to see the manuscript to 'advise her client of his rights'. I said no, but said that if she wanted to discuss the manuscript directly with me, I would meet her in her office face to face. She agreed.
Then I phoned X, still fuming, and asked what the hell he was playing at. He said that I was 'slagging him off' in the book and he didn't want me to print it. I denied this and asked how much of the text he had read (he copied it from my computer without me knowing), he said he'd read about 300 pages (it's 656 pages altogether).
I said if you read it properly you will find that it's about the romance between us and I ended the text when you said ILY so all the readers will think we reunited anyway. I told him that every time I stop sleeping with him, he just gets his lawyer onto me and that he won't get on with me unless he's getting off with me.
He said I didn't like him apart from the sex. I denied this and said it's hard to get on when he does all this stuff.
Then I told him that he has to stop all the nastiest and just be neutral, i.e no sex and no fighting and no court and no lawyers.
He said
'If I can't be friends with you then I have to hate you.'
I asked him why - couldn't he just treat me like the post woman or someone he met in the street? He said he's known me for 18 years so he can't pretend I am just anybody.
I said he would have to because we can't carry on killing each other forever.
He said other people can be friends after divorce so why not us. I said other people aren't still in love with each other and that you've never loved anyone like I know you love me. He agreed and said 'yes, I know.'
I also told him I was hurt that he wasn't happy about my book.
He hit out that I never told him when it was accepted by the publisher and I was being secretive about it.
So I said okay then, come round to mine and I'll show you.
Today he brought his old laptop round and connected that up. Kids came round too and I got them doing some art, painting, gluing etc.
I said that I have decided we can't have an R because he's scared of commitment and keeps backing off and we can't have a friendship because I still love him (not DB'ing I know) and he still loves me.
He said 'I'll always love you, you know that.'
I said exactly, that's why the friendship doesn't work, and we can't because he keeps threatening me with court and sending me letters from his lawyer. I said after today, when he has read my book, we just have to be neutral only.
He nodded but didn't say anything.
Managed to get a PDF version of my book up and I took him through the first part of it. He said that DD1'S birth was mixed up with DD2's birth and that something I wrote for DD1's birth didn't happen until DD2 was born. We debated this and he said I wouldn't remember because I was off my face on gas and air.
I pointed out bits of the text where I blamed myself for stuff and said I wasn't 'slagging him off'. Then I found my favourite romantic bit in the text and showed that to him. He was smiling when he read it.
Then he said that I divorced him, which is a weird comment. He's right, I did. I cringed and said 'sorry, but you were rather challenging.'
I told him that all the animosity is a way of him keeping a R with me, abeit a negative R, and that now we have to let go. He didn't answer this.
He was still complaining about our private life being in the news so I said 'look, if we print one of DD4's baby pictures that you took, you're the photographer so you can get paid too.'
He brightened up when I said that and agreed. I told him I wasn't being secretive because I was doing something bad, I just wanted to wait till it was printed so I could put a copy of the book in his hand, and now he'd spoilt the surprise.
I told him about the publishing process and the royalties and said if he did the photography he could get a percentage.
The trouble with him is, he still wants to be in my life and he hates it when I do anything great on my own. I don't want anymore legal action, though, and this defuses it.
He agreed to what I said, provided I change DD's first names. I will. It's annoying we couldn't have talked before he ran off to his lawyer though. I told him he has major control issues and that is why we can't work out our M but letting go is more than divorce, he has to quit his court drama too.
He said 'yes, dear.'
I showed him and DD1 the front cover of my book and I could tell he was impressed.
DD1 went to the shop to buy some bread and crisps and DD2 went with her. It's only up the road so they went themselves. Then we had some lunch together.
X read through about 50 pages of text but didn't have time to finish because he had to take DD's to art class. Bit silly really, as they were already doing art at my house!
Then they left and I told him I'd change the names and expected that we would be civil to each other now.
That's that, not sure whether it's a good update or a bad one.
