BQT my heart goes out to you it truly does and I am sure you will find most of us here have felt pretty much like you at some point in time. Can I just say you know how much you can take and you will one day wake up like I have and Anna as well and say enough is enough and that's when you will look after yourself first. This is all a process and you will reach that point and when you do it is not that you are giving up on making your marriage work it is just that you have decided to live your life for you with or without WAS. If they are meant to come home or give the M another go they will but only in their own time and their own way we cannot control the sitch just our part in it. We can DB and apply all of the principles, act as if but until we are doing it for our own good and not to get a reaction out of WAS then it will never work. BQT I have only truly got this probably in the past week or so and ya know what I truly feel better in myself. I still speak to H and I am not rude or uncaring, I will validate if necessary, I am pleasant and nice but that is it. I do not seek him out for talk when I see him, I don't contact him over anything, I ask no questions of him other than how are you and ya know what the more I detach the more he seeks me out and at the moment the more he is seeking me out the easier it is for me to stick to what I am doing. Even though I am seeing a reaction, I am not reacting to it myself I am just continuing to do what I want for me. It is only now that I believe I am truly DBing as I am very calm in my thoughts about H now and I truly believe that what will be will be. Dont get me wrong I still love him and I am pretty sure that I still want to work on our M but only if he comes to me and shows that he wants to as well but ya know what that will depend where my head is at if and when he comes to that conclusion and if I am accepting of giving it another go that is when the true hard work will begin. BQT you are obviously not at this stage yet but truly when you have had enough it will come to you as at the moment you feel you are doing all you can do and you will be DBing your little heart out but H is going to do whatever the hell he wants to and at the moment he dont care who he hurts and that hurts us like hell but you have to accept that you cannot control him no matter what you do. The best thing is to move on truthfully and live for you and yours and when you are truly doing this H will notice but only when you are doing it for yourself and not to get him back. I am not accusing you of doing the wrong thing either as I have done it all, I think though it is a process and one day the light goes on and it all become much easier to see and accept. Honestly you feel as though a weight has been lifted from your shoulders and you will feel this one day BQT. I know this doesn;t make you feel any better now but I am truly hoping it gives you some sort of hope for the future. Vent here as we are all here for you, and who cares if you repeat yourself just get it all out...((((()))))Take care and don't give up on you it is just a painful journey but you will get there....KDU
