Don't get down on yourself. Like KDU says, we all have our weak times. We are human. Don't feel bad about it. Think about how great D is and how wonderful it is to enjoy her growing up. Don't allow what H is doing to control your actions. (I know, easier said than done!). You cannot control him. You can control YOU! So go do something wonderful and special for YOU! You deserve it!
WCB
God grant me the serenity,
to accept the things I cannot change,
To change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr
BQT listen to your girlfriends here! No one feels strong all the time, that's why we come here. You aren't letting anyone down. Here's my song quote (source: "Pooh's Heffalump Movie")
We stand shoulder to shoulder We stand side by side If one of us gets a tiny bit tired One gives the other a ride.
Thank you all....you brought tears to my eyes. It doesnt look like things are getting any better. H is still out of town for work but they changed hotels (supposedly)and he will not let me know where he is staying. He took the laptop so I cant get online to communicate with all of you...only at work right now. H is still being an a##. I had to take Hannah to Urgent care yesterday...tried to call H but wasnt answering...so I called his hotel and thats how I found out he was checked out. It hurts to have him treat me like this. He said that sometimes he want to be married and sometimes he doesnt...this kills me...next Wednesday should be my three year anniversary but his affair has been going on for two years last month. He has been really rude to me and I hate it. I dont know what to do anymore. I want the marriage to work so badly that I try to take this form of abuse but at the same time I dont deserve it. Why doesn't he love someone that is so good to him...I am feeling sorry for myself. I want to be able to let him go but I dont want to feel like a failure...please...I just dont know what to do. I know he is playing games. Is this girl(OW25) and her three kids more important then our daughter and my stepson and thier stabality. Yikes...I am a little out of control. I am scared and hurt....Sorry...just rambling!
BQT my heart goes out to you it truly does and I am sure you will find most of us here have felt pretty much like you at some point in time. Can I just say you know how much you can take and you will one day wake up like I have and Anna as well and say enough is enough and that's when you will look after yourself first. This is all a process and you will reach that point and when you do it is not that you are giving up on making your marriage work it is just that you have decided to live your life for you with or without WAS. If they are meant to come home or give the M another go they will but only in their own time and their own way we cannot control the sitch just our part in it. We can DB and apply all of the principles, act as if but until we are doing it for our own good and not to get a reaction out of WAS then it will never work. BQT I have only truly got this probably in the past week or so and ya know what I truly feel better in myself. I still speak to H and I am not rude or uncaring, I will validate if necessary, I am pleasant and nice but that is it. I do not seek him out for talk when I see him, I don't contact him over anything, I ask no questions of him other than how are you and ya know what the more I detach the more he seeks me out and at the moment the more he is seeking me out the easier it is for me to stick to what I am doing. Even though I am seeing a reaction, I am not reacting to it myself I am just continuing to do what I want for me. It is only now that I believe I am truly DBing as I am very calm in my thoughts about H now and I truly believe that what will be will be. Dont get me wrong I still love him and I am pretty sure that I still want to work on our M but only if he comes to me and shows that he wants to as well but ya know what that will depend where my head is at if and when he comes to that conclusion and if I am accepting of giving it another go that is when the true hard work will begin. BQT you are obviously not at this stage yet but truly when you have had enough it will come to you as at the moment you feel you are doing all you can do and you will be DBing your little heart out but H is going to do whatever the hell he wants to and at the moment he dont care who he hurts and that hurts us like hell but you have to accept that you cannot control him no matter what you do. The best thing is to move on truthfully and live for you and yours and when you are truly doing this H will notice but only when you are doing it for yourself and not to get him back. I am not accusing you of doing the wrong thing either as I have done it all, I think though it is a process and one day the light goes on and it all become much easier to see and accept. Honestly you feel as though a weight has been lifted from your shoulders and you will feel this one day BQT. I know this doesn;t make you feel any better now but I am truly hoping it gives you some sort of hope for the future. Vent here as we are all here for you, and who cares if you repeat yourself just get it all out...((((()))))Take care and don't give up on you it is just a painful journey but you will get there....KDU
Yikes...I am a little out of control. I am scared and hurt....
BQT - Of course you are scared and hurting. We all are or have been at some point in this process. But remember, this is not YOUR failure. You did not cause him to have an A, nor should you be subjected to abuse of any kind. You have managed t move through this with dignity and strength. Please rememeber that. Letting go is so hard and scary. But it is amazing that once you do it, you feel much more in control of your life, your feelings. your sitch. Yes, it's scary. But you can do it. Please take care and we are thinking of you...
((((((BQT))))))
WCB
God grant me the serenity,
to accept the things I cannot change,
To change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr
Hello Everyone and thanks for your concern. Things with me like always go back and forward. Sometimes we do really good but then there are a lot of times that we can't get along. The reason for this is...scratches on H arm...Kiss mark on his work truck window...phone calls...and text messages. Let me ask you all a question....If all of this was going on and you were the one that had the affair and you were trying to make your marriage work....could you be mean to your spouse that finally breaks down. Well, when I finally broke down and said that all of the things were starting to bug me....H said that I make these things up and that my mind wonders, that I am psycho, a cu*t. Instead of saying that we can make it through this and things will be fine. Tell me if I am wrong but I feel that if he really loves me then he would be nice and when I finally started crying out of frusteration that he would do anything to comfort me and not be extremely rude and mean to me. I got tired of going on this site and feeling like I do now...confused and like I am a baby because I am not good at all of this. Honestly, all I want is to be loved and appreciated...I want to forgive and move on but at the same time I want it to be over. I saw that he texted messaged the OW two weeks ago and stated that he loved her and missed her and wanted to spend his morning, noon, and nights together. How does he expect me to just never remember this. I dont bring it up but I am always so afraid to argue with him because I don't want to push him into her arms that I do everything possible to not let any arguments occur...but of course today when the kiss mark and he "worked" in her area, she was off of work...Ge what could make me fall.
I see that all of you get stronger on this site and I am like one of those that holds everyone back. I honestly do not know what to do and I am so confused. I want so much for my marriage to work out but at the same time Hannah and I deserve to be happy all of the time. I hate wondering everyday. When we get along it feels so wonderful and I want it to be like that always stay that way but I am tired of hurting and I do know why I let it continue. Is there something wrong with me that it is so hard to move on?
I forgot one thing! Does anyone ever have the urge to contact the OW....is this wrong! I have been finding it really hard not to....I havent but I guess I know that she would let me know if her and my hubby are still doing their thing.
