H and I did get in a big confrontation because OW keeps calling me. I didnt mean to answer the phone....I thought it was my grandpa. It made everything bad. H said that he is sick of all this crap and that he doesnt love me and doesnt want to be married anymore. He feels forced into things. Then his entire family came over for a bbq an hour later and we played the happy game. I received a picture of H and OW together....it made me so sad. I was doing good again. I guess it would help if H seemed like he was remorseful at all. Instead he wants everything to be forgotten but still she calls. It hurts I just want a happy life and family. I am willing to forgive completely but at the same time feel that it should really be over. I explained my point of view and he said that this is just going to bring him closer to OW and that he knows he can have her anytime. Words hurt. Now, we play like things are okay but I am still so hurt from the words that he has said. I can feel a little distance but dont know what to do about it. I feel like if he can blame me for the wrong it makes him feel better and then he has a real reason to hate me. I love my H and want us to be together. What to do now...I dont know. Example: Last night was fine we got along. Then this morning he said bye and just walked out. Maybe this is one of those days that he doesnt want me and isnt happy....but last night was nice then after a restful sleep he is yuck!
So Confused! I know what you are thinking! Why is she doing this. I dont want to feel like a failure. My mom said that this would never work. I want it to work. I want my marriage forever. I think Hannah deserves to have a daddy at home so she doenst have to wonder where he is. Any thoughts...Please
Just felt like venting... I did a big no-no! Since H was acting weird I decided to check his phone (I hate being a spy)...well, well, well...H had text message Melinda and in the message he said something like this... "Hi my baby girl. I love you and miss you. I can't wait until the day that I can spend every morning, noon, and night with you." It said a little more but by the time I read that I was so sad and disgusted that I dont remember anymore. I woke him up and confronted him....he said that he shouldnt have done it...that he was having a hard day and that he was sorry. Then by the time I got to work...things were all my fault..I shouldnt be a spy. I knew that he would turn things around...I told him that I dont deserve this and I am too good of a person to have this keep happening to. I pray that nobody has to feel like this. H left and went to the drag races tonight....(Guess What) it is 5 minutes away from Melinda(OW) house. I am so fed up and tired. Then we said to start a clean slate and try to move forward. I dont think that I will Be able to do that.....it has happened to many times. I am worried about mine and Hannah's(D1) future. I want us to be treated great and loved. We deserve it.
So sorry to hear about this turn in your sitch. Sounds a little like mine. H kept telling me it was over when it was secretly still gong on. Please go back to DR and re-read the LRT and the After the LRT. You have to decide if you are to the point that you have had enough. Because you do deserve better. That was the decision I had to make. The lies and deceit were taking such a toll on me. I could barely function. I had to separate from H and detach. But you need to make the decision that is right for YOU and D1. Re-read those sections and ask yourself those difficult but necessay questions. Post here and ask for advice if you need! We are here for you!
WCB
God grant me the serenity,
to accept the things I cannot change,
To change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr
BQT - Sigh... the more things change, the more things stay the same. Here's my advice, for what it's worth. Go pitch black. Arrange visitation through a family member so you don't have contact. Tell H that you will resume contact with him once he has had several months of anger management (from my perspective this is a million times more essential than his OW garbage) and several months with ZERO contact with OW. 2 days of either is not even close to sufficient. I see him as abusive - physically and verbally, and I think that he uses the OW as a further means of torture for you. This is not a normal WAS scenario, I'm sorry to say. It's time that he loses every form of access to you, and time for you to start being that fabulous person that we all see here.
I know this sounds harsh, but you know I'm not a rash person. It's time for a real 180, or you will find yourself doing this insane dance for years to come.
BQT - I know how hard this is for you as do alot of others as we are all in similair sitch's or have been. There comes a time when you have to ask yourself how much is enough. Yes I understand you desperately want your H back but you cannot make it happen no matter what you do or how you change or what you allow him to get away with you cannot make him be faithful and you cannot make him want to be with you. I have tried all this every way possible and it is their decision to make and we cannot influence it in any way as much as we secretly try to. Yep all our efforts ever do is push them to OW and don't worry they will lie about it over and over and you will never know the truth until you catch them out and they will lie when they are caught out - How do I know this b/c I have been there but BQT I am at a different point now (well this week at least, I hope it stays though) I have finally accepted after 8 months that I cannot make my H want what I want, I can only look after me and that is a very scary propect for me and my kids to be on our own but I can do it. I know it will be hard and at times very very lonely. I am someone who loves the company of my H, I love to snuggle and love the intamacy but i will have to learn to love other things as you have to as well. I think you have to cast your H free and see what happens. If he wants to be with you he will realise it one day maybe a week from now maybe a year from now and who knows where you will be or what you will think but you can worry about that if and when it happens. BQT please start living for you and your one year old and nobody else, start making a new life and if H is meant to be in it well he will be when the time is right. Dont delude yourself if your H is messaging OW with messages like you said then it is not over and he is playing you for a sucker. He has the best of both worlds at the moment as he has 2 woman after him and if that is not flattering to a male ego I don't know what is. I know it sounds harsh and you probably don't want to hear it but maybe it is best for him to move out and for you both to find yourselves. This is just my thoughts and it is said with all the kindness I can give and maybe you are not ready or not as far along as me and if that is the case that is o.k. as we are all at different life stages on these boards but we are all here to support you and offer varying points of view so as you can make the best decision for you and your sitch at the time. We don't judge you so do not feel afraid to talk to us no matter what you do or don't do we all backslide and we all make mistakes so update us and don't even worry about what you say here as this is what this if for. I hope you are feeling a bit better BQT and give us an update or at least let us know you are O.K......KDU
Thanks everyone for your input....it really helps me out a lot. I gave up a little on this board because I sometimes feel like I might not be strong enough for all of you. I am at a real weak time in my life. I want so desperately to have my H love me and treat me like he should...but I do realize that I can't control his efforts...I can only control my own. I just want to be loved and feel it....lol!
H is gone away on a business trip until Friday. He is only about 2 1/2 hours away..but has a hotel out there because they will be doing construction through Friday. I hope that he is strong enough not to have OW meet him there and that is isnt on the phone constantly with her. I just get really bummed out. When we said bye this morning he said that he loved me and to have a good week...but when we spoke on the phone he was a cocky a##. He would not say I love you...which is okay but he also said a statement like...well I guess we will see if I miss you. After all that we have been through...I feel like I deserve better then that. He is nice and loving one moment then a complete a## the next moment. I just dont understand it.
I am trying to stay strong and get through my days with the happiness of my daughter...she is so freakin cute...lol! I didnt want all of you to be disappointed that I have been weak lately....but thank you for thinking about me.
Hey BQT did you not read my post properly. I may have been a bit firm in my opinion but girlie it is just my opinion and probably shaded by my own sitch but I did say don't you every worry about talking honestly on these boards as nobody will judge you. If you look at everybody's threads and read right back to the beginning I doubt you will find one person here who hasn't been weak themselves at some point in time. We all have our own journey's to make and some of us will get the outcome we want and some of us wont but we are all entitled to make our own mistakes and be weak or strong when we feel like it as we are the ones living this nightmare. We are all here to support you give you our thoughts and opinions and you job is to think over what people have said and only apply the stuff that makes sense to you. DO NOT WORRY ABOUT BEING WEAK we all are at different times. BQT I hate to see you beating yourself up, you are worthwhile here on this board as I am sure alot of others will tell you, you are just a bit down at the moment and that is fine, start venting dont you dare be embarrassed come on luvvy put it all down in writing it will make you feel better and you will get stronger every day...((((((BQT))))))).....Kim(KDU)
