Whoa....your H is making no sense at all...ok not quite a shocking observation
Quote: We went through the fact that he told her and me that there will be no mor conversing
OK...this sounds like a decision
Quote: well I did and at least I am honest with you
ok...broke the decision and b/c he used the 'honesty' bit made it sound like maybe it was just a slip up....ie/ if he lied could imply that there's more going on
Quote: He also said that he isnt sure if he will talk to her again
hellooo...thought he made a decision?? I don't know...but I'm seeing a pattern here I don't like....doesn't sound like he is going to give up OW.
Quote: The thing that upsets me so is that H said on Friday that he shouldn't talk to her because it can go right back in the wrong direction
ok...he says he shouldn't talk to her but in the previous quote says he isn't sure if it will or will not happen...and of course this upsets you...Who wouldn't be upset after hearing that?????
Quote: When I spoke to H he said that everything is fine between us and he hates this s*it about me wondering if we are okay
I don't know...he sounds a bit defensive to me and quick to point the blame at you. Maybe he would be right to be defensive if nothing actually is going on with OW. But he has talked to her, now hasn't he? I don't know...but some alarm bells are going off for me here. It just sounds a lot like when you ask someone if they're having an affair, and then they turn everything around and make it about you..." what you don't trust me? R U having an affair?"
Quote: He then said that we are giving it a month to see how things go and that he hates me..
WTF?? Who says that when they are giving their M another chance, another go?? I can see the WAS saying something like..." I'll give it another chance b/c i love you, we have a history together, I care for you, but just to let you know that I still don't feel the 'in-love' feeling at the moment"....BUT to say that he hates you?? I think maybe he made a choice too prematurely too work on the M, and he hates that he made the choice but it is easier for him to say that he hates you??
BQT...I'm sorry to say this, but it seems to me ( and I could be wrong ) that his heart is not into making another go at it, AT THIS TIME ( based on what you wrote ). To me it seems like his head is still swimming, and that if indeed he is mourning OW, it is not going over too well. How can the two of you work on things when he is like this. Okay...maybe the DB answer would be to be supportive of him while he mourns, but how do you do that if he keeps bringing her up, or still needs to talk to her, or even tells you that he misses her? Maybe your H needs some alone time to do this.
Okay I kinda picked apart your post b/c of all the negatives you mentioned. But at the end of your post you said he is trying to show you a more loving side...can u elaborate how he is SHOWING you? Maybe if you elaborate on the positives we can get a more balanced picture of things. But b/c you focussed on the negatives I can only guess that H's positives may not be that significant ( the negatives outweigh any positives ). It might give us a better idea if H is REALLY trying to give it another chance.
