Good Morning and Happy Monday! My weekend ended up being peaceful and relaxing....I think that I needed it. I did talk to him yesterday and of course after his fun weekend he wanted to let me know that he was sorry and that he didnt mean to be like that. He knows that he said some really mean things too...that he says that he didnt mean. Bull Sh#t! I told him that I am a very kind hearted person that is finally sick of being shitted on....that I was willing to do anything to work things out but now it came to this. It was a sad moment but I didnt cry. That was pretty much all of that...except that he told me that he doesn't want to be with Melinda (OW) and that he told her that and that he can't stand her kids....how sad! Maybe they should be together and they can brawl...they deserve it.
On a different point....I am trying to think positive about eachday...I keep thinking about Hannah and all of the things that she does....she wants everyone to dance all of the time...too cute! She is an inspiration to me. I feel the love that I want from her and more. Thanks for being here!
Just wanted to update everyone on my situation. I am trying to be very strong and I am doing pretty good at it. I have seen H and we have spoken...he did apologize for everything but at the same time he said that I pushed his buttons. I went through the events on how I remembered them...and he got quiet....I told him that if I was an abusive and button pushing peerson I would have been that way when I found out about the A and not this late into the game. I figure that it helps him feel better to blame me for everything. Then he told me that he wanted to work on our marriage but after our altercation last Thursday he doesnt think that it can ever work.....Gee thats a great thought. I wish that it would have never happened....he said that he is just not happy now....I havent talked to him about OW and have I now blocked OW from trying to contact me via IM, email, and so on. I dont want to deal with this anymore....at least the OW...I have learned that she helps to make me more miserable. I dont know what to do about H but I am playing by ear....any suggestions
O.K. BQT1 well done on the OW ignore her and no more contact it is truly better and I know. You will still wonder but it is better not to know let OW wonder all she likes......As for WAH...did you take those photo's???? Regardless of how nice he is now I hope you did even if they get thrown out later it is a safety net for you my sweet........Now good on you for saying your piece about the weekend that was good words....I would work out first how you feel about H b4 making my next move...H in one breath said he wanted to give M a go and then said that after the weekend it would never work (which is his fault on the weekend). So again H doesn't know what he wants at the moment and I don't feel you really know yet either so for the moment how about being nice and friendly in true DB style but distant as well. 1: That helps DB process but 2: It helps protect you abit until you know what you want. I would take my time on this one as you have had a very big shock at the moment from the weekend and I would take the time to process your feelings.....Hope this helps a bit....KDU
Listen to our wise Aussie friend. I'm glad you're feeling more positive, but don't convince yourself that everything is ok. Keep those pics and keep some distance... from H as well as OW.
A slump to my spirit happened last night and I need some true hard and tough advise from all of my friends here....
H was coming to see Hannah...he called and said that he was really tired and that there was a big accident on the freeway so she was going to pull off and go to sleep for a few hours. Well, low and behold my phone rings....its a private # (I was expecting a call from my grandpa)I answered the call it was Melinda(OW) she wanted to let me know that she will be spending time with H. She told me that she is getting a room at the Best Western Select and spending time f*cking my husband. She told me to call the hotel and see. Well, I called the hotel and she was there...this was about 200 yards from where H was so tired that he was going to sleep in his work truck.
When H got to the house I was still really nice and he told me that it was really hard to sleep in his work truck and on and on he went....so I told him that he should have enjoyed the bed at the Best Western Select where he was with Melinda...f*ucking her. I told him that I am sick of all of this [censored] and Hannah does not deserve to go through this either. I am tired of OW calling me...I am sick of all of his lies (he did tell me that he wasnt with her...he said that I probably got a list of all of the motels in the city and tried to see if one of them had a room...I told him that he can check my phone bill....I dont like liars and I am not going to be one) I told him that he needs to get any of his belongings that are still at the house and get them out of there....he was being very calm because he knows that I am correct about Melinda and him. He left moments after we talked and things were fine....I didnt even cry when he left....I just couldnt believe that he wanted to tell me that he wasnt with her at this hotel and that for some reason she got a room in a city that is away from all of our houses....and it was a coincedence that they were both in the same city and on the same street. I must have stupid written on my forehead. I knew that he was going to turn this around on me being crazy....of couse Melinda wouldnt have called me...it was me that called around to all of the hotels to find them.....I have a daughter to spend time with....I dont have the time for that!
I dont know what to do today when I see him....he is getting his things...he wants to talk...what do I do and say. I want to be tough, friendly but not a doormat....Yikes! Any thoughts
Hi BQT: May I suggest that when H get his things you could maybe stay in another room or outside? I would say, "I don't want to be in your way while you get your things but I'll be in the living room (or whatever room) if you need anything." This way you know he won't take any of your things but your being friendly letting him know that if needs something you are there to help.
As for him wanting to talk. What is there really to talk about? You know he lied about sleeping in his truck. He basically called you crazy for calling all the hotels looking for them, and of course Melinda didn't call you because she wouldn't do that (yeah right). You really don't have to explain yourself to him. He knows what he has done is wrong but he wants to put blame on you. I wouldn't argue with him because this could turn physical again. I would just agree with everything he says (even though it may not be true). I've read that if you agree with them right or wrong they in turn don't get angry and really don't have a reason to argue with you. Make any sense?
Be strong, don't let him walk over you, don't allow him to stay there if that's what he's wanting. Would he flip out if you ask for the house key? If you don't think he won't I would ask for the house key back.
You are such a great person with a great heart. Again, be strong and stand your ground. I know you can do this.
M:43 H:37 D14 (ours) D18 (mine) S22 (mine) S18 (his) S: 10/2004 Bomb: 2/15/05 In/out of home Living with OW #4 Talks of D for 2-1/2 years
KDK makes a good suggestion the only other thing you can do is if H says he wants to talk say O.K. I will listen to you if you have something to say. Then listen and see what he says if it is more of the same as yesterday then once he has finished speaking I would just say I don't want any arguments and as far as I am concerned yesterday doesn't matter to me so I don't see that it is worth discussing. If it is that he is sorry then say you are sorry too but you need your space for the moment and should things change with him and he needs to talk then he can contact you etc etc. Just let him take the lead but do not allow yourself to get into any arguments after what happened the other day, if it looks like an argument, then walk away or validate him, be nice an try and get him to leave but do not argue. Goodluck BQT1 you can handle this and you will, we are all here for you as we know it isn't easy....Keep strong...KDU
Today is a new day but I wanted to get some advise on my stitch. Yesterday I spoke to someone from my church reagrding my marriage....of course their main focus is keeping it together and forgiveness. This part confuses me because of everything that has gone on between us...I dont know if that is possible. Should I feel guilt for being uncertain at this moment.
Yesterday after work I got home and Albert(H) was there. He was doing some stuff/ getting some stuff for work in the garage. Devin(stepson 9) was there with me and he is so wonderful. I spoke to Albert for a little bit and he was looking a little frusterated. He told me that he just got off of the phone with Melinda(OW) and that she is really upset because he told her that he will not be returning her calls, text messages or communicating with her at all. He told her that he cant be a liar and a cheat anymore.(WTF???) I just listened to him. Then he said that he still doesnt believe me that she has called me...this made me upset but I kept my cool....I know the truth. He said that he doesnt want to hear that she calls me or communicates with me anymore...because these are games that I am playing. That is bull s*it! So he said lets give it a month and see how it works between us. (one month to fix a two year problem)(WTF) I guess that I am suppose to be the one there for him while he is going through withdrawls (supposedly) I left and got my nails and feet done...my mom watche Hannah for me last night. Today I get my hair done...Yeah! The smart part of me wonders why he still lies about the hotel...why if he didnt want to be with her in the long run then why is he so hurt! Is he not remembering how I have been feeling for years. He was there with Devin when I got home and he seems depressed and then when I spoke to him briefly about Deving this morning he seemed down and frusterated. What am I suppose to do in this case....Work on our marriage for one month...and be a support system for him while he is down...this makes no sense. I dont even know what is going on. Has he really stopped seeing her....she only called and text messaged him last night...and then he had the nerve to ask me if I looked at his phone. (I dont want to do that)Am I suppose to make a go out of this....am I just the doormat for a month. How can we try to work on a marriage for a moth if he is going to be depressed over another woman. I am sorry but I did say one thing mean. When he told me that she was sad I said "Thats what happens when people get involved with married people...serves her right...she has done this to me for years."
BQT - my opinion has not budged one inch. The man does not set foot in your home without some intensive, long-term anger management counselling. As soon as he laid a hand on you (and you never answered whether this was the first time??) he lost the right to be your husband, LET ALONE the right to chose between you and Melinda.
Did you tell the church about the abuse? You seem more concerned about OW than about the abuse (which I find chilling), so that may have affected their advice. If you did tell them about the violence, and they still encourage you to reconcile, then I question their counsel. I know my own church is heavily involved with a women's shelter and my minister would have zero tolerance for abuse. He would view his role as finding me a safe haven and providing a community of support during my rebuilding and liberation from H.
Michelle, I know I'm being very harsh here, but I feel so strongly about this, ok?
I think the world of you, and want the best for you.
Anna, He has never touched me before. He has never been mean like this either. I did tell the church about it and because this is not his normal reaction it can be forgiven. He can never touch me like that again...and he is sorry for that. I promise I dont feel like Melinda and that situation are more important then Hannah and me. In my eyes Hannah is the most important person in my life. I was just wondering about the rest of the stitch....If all goes well and there are no more physical altercations..then what am I to do when I am so uncertain of this behavior. I am just trying to say that I dont think that him being sad over this woman is acceptable now...maybe I could have done it in the past...but I dont feel sorry for them....it shouldnt have happened in the first place.
I might be down on myself for my looks,weight, and stupidity sometimes...but I guarantee that I know that I am an importatnt person that doesn NOT deserve any form of abuse.
