I have been following your thread, but this is the first time I have responded to you. In reading your most recent post about the intensity of your last argument with your H, I decided to give you some advice.
IMHO... I strongly believe that you need to treat yourself with greater respect. If you had a good friend that was going through this type of situation, what would you advise them to do? BQT... treat yourself like the great person that you are! Surround yourself with people who appreciate this loving quality in you, with those who lovingly support you. Ask these people for help- in doing so, I see it as a sign of great personal strength and high esteem! You deserve it! You have to feel centered and good enough about yourself to not allow your H's negative comments define you. His accusations are not a reflection of you... They are a reflection of the hurt and pain he is experiencing right now.
Focusing on yourself and what makes YOU happy is absoluely essential! Try to develop and discover ways to do this without your H right now. In doing so, it will help you to get over the shock of what is happening and allow you to grieve- then try journaling the steps you are willing to take to make your life as fulfilling as possible! It is so important for you to restore your sense of self, reminding yourself that you are a wonderful person (remind yourself this OFTEN). Some ideas of different "steps" that you can take to improve BQT might be: to exercise, journal, join a support group or see a counselor, hobbies, devote yourself to your job, being kind to yourself, etc. Basically anything that involves you working on yourself. Now is the perfect time for you to improve your self-esteem and outlook on life. Do not rely on your marriage to be the sole source of your happiness... Pamper yourself! I believe the key to feeling better is deciding that you are a priority. You are the #1 person in your list of people to help and to love.
Throughout my M, I found myself so consumed with my H that I forgot what I loved to do. I was preoccupied with my H. Although there are still days where I miss him, I am able to see he is not necessary to my self-esteem or happiness. I believe that I will have fully healed my heart when I can COMPLETELY focus on my own life, let go of my resentments, and forgive myself, as well as my husband.
BQT... You deserve an ideal life including a happy relationship, as well as a feeling that your life is getting better. You are deserving of kindness and care! You need to have enough self-esteem or self-love to say: "I deserve to be treated with love and respect"... Please take good care of yourself.... -OC Kim
