He must leave immediately. You must take photos of the damage he has done to you, and call some abuse hotlines to decide whether you want to press charges.
He must never enter your home again unless he gets serious, long-term anger management. If it is too difficult to keep him out, then you have to take the major, but worthwhile risk of leaving yourself. Find a friend or family member to take you in.
You must get individual counselling. Hearing you blame yourself and still want him after this made my blood run cold and I got trembly with fear. You need to find out why you would tolerate this and learn how to pump yourself up to the point that you would never again allow this to happen.
I have often thought that your H was emotionally abusive to you. This has made your situation much more clearcut. Your marriage must end, for Hannah's sake, if you do not feel enough self-worth to do it for yourself.
You CAN do this.
I speak from experience. A lifetime ago I was a teenage girl with a very cruel and violent boyfriend. It was horrible and I argued that he was misunderstood and I drove him to it and that if I just gave him enough love he would change. It was only with an army of support that I left him behind. Now I look back at that strange, sad girl I was with pity, but have absolutely no fear or inclination to set foot near a man like that.
PLEASE... You must dig deep and make some tough decisions.
