I second what others have said about the need to talk with your W about your needs. I would just caution that you seem to have built this up in your mind to a monumental task. It might help if you could consider babysteps toward your goal. Multiple small conversations might be easier all around.
I agree with the earlier post from someone (sorry - no time to check back and be specific) that prolonged IC can ultimately become uncomfortable for some women. My H told me recently that I once communicated that to him and that knowledge now sometimes holds him back from "popping". I wish I could undo the words; but on the other hand it was/is true. MrsNOP's suggestions are, as usual, practical - having lots of lube available helps. But that may not be the whole solution. One way around it for me is for some ML sessions to be a chance for him to come first (I say "this one is your turn").
As we (H and I) are trying to communicate more often and more clearly our needs and desires, I am over and over impressed by how different they sometimes are. We just cannot intuit each others needs based on our own. E.g. H loves it when I grab him right there; it is a big turn on. However, I love to be teased all over before we settle down for the ultimate goal. We had to talk about this - and still have to sometimes remind each other of our differences.
It wasn't easy for me to talk about any of this, but is getting easier due to practice. The frank talk on this BB has also helped me enormously. Also an empathic (female) counselor has helped.
Part of my hangup was admitting that I had difficulties when my H seemed to have none. In a strange way, the fact that my H now has some ED issues has given our R a more reciprocal feel. (As I write this, it comes out strangely - By NO way do I mean that I am glad that he is having problems. In fact, given how devastating ED is, his current problems are doubtless more painful than mine have been in the past). But it is the case that it puts me in the position of needing to think more about my H's needs and desires than before when his success seemed automatic.
Anyway, I don't know if/how any of this can apply to you. But I urge you to attempt to begin and continue the ongoing conversations between the two of you about what you each want and need. Start with babysteps, but be as specific as you can be so as not to be misunderstood. And be as positive as you can be ("I love it when you ...") rather than focusing on the negative.
Good luck! DogLover
There are many wise, empathetic and funny people here: you are my buddies - I'm grateful for your support.
