Quote: Recently, I've had some problems finishing the act, or popping.
Curious to what changed? If for years you have been able to pop even though she stated the sex was just for your benifit (which I see as very loving and wanting you to be happy). Why all of a sudden does the burden of you not being able to pop fall on her shoulders? Her behavior did not change and from the above statement you said recently not always so this behavior did not always inhibit you from popping. So what changed for you? Again just a question.
I'll try answer as best as possible w/o going too far back in our R. ML in our M has pretty much been like cooking. I cook most of our meals, unless you call microwaving a frozen dinner cooking. Mrs WM can handle that and other ocasional recipies passed on to her from her Mother. Otherwise, that's my arena. I work 2nd shift, while my W works 1st shift, so I do most of the cooking on the weekends, making extra food for weeknights when I'm away at work. She's fine with my cooking and the division of labor. When I want to try something new in the kitchen, I pull out a cookbook, go on the internet, and research till I'm satisfied I've got what it is that I want to experiment with, as well as the understanding of other variations.
Now back to the bedroom, the same sort of scenarios hold true in the BR. She occasionally initiates, but even when she does, it's up to me to do the "cooking". I hope I haven't lost anyone with my metaphors! Now the metaphor is going really deep. When she initiates, she likes to order up (restaurant analogy) sometimes, other times she will leave it up to me to do the ordering. When I initiate, it's always up to me (her choice, not mine) to order, but within very limited menu items only (again, her choice, not mine). She’s very “vanilla” that way. Most of the time, when we both agree to ML, I’d rather show my love by staying within the menu items that she enjoys rather than going for, let’s say, Szechwan, which would make her uncomfortable. More on this theme some other time; I digress.
What ends up happening is that she gets to lay there and enjoy or not enjoy having the act done to her. She adds a few quick strokes here and there and reciprocates when I kiss her passionately, but that’s all.
Now to answer your question, “What changed?” What changed is that the world kept spinning on its axis and orbiting around the sun, almost 28 times since we got married and more than 53 times since I was born. (I just can’t seem to stop with the metaphors tonight, sorry.) So, I’m older now, and need more intense stimulation to pop.
Just like the cookbooks in the kitchen, I’ve read many books on sex and lovemaking. She has never really wanted to take the time to read any sort of sex books, or watch any sex instructional tapes, etc. I have had these things available for us to share and she just sort of shudders when I suggest we spend some time with them. If I leave them for her to watch on her own, she just ignores them. But the darndest thing happened one weekend morning when I chose to put on an educational DVD, she wanted to watch all the extras…for my benefit or for hers? I don’t really know.
I know that she views her lovemaking skills much the same way that she views her cooking skills. She has other priorities besides learning these skills. After all, I’m a good cook and I’m a good lover. What’s the need to have two good cooks or two good lovers in a relationship?
So, just maybe I’ve reached a point in my life where having the second good lover in the relationship IS IMPORTANT!. But you see from my previous post that popping is not that important to her so she hasn’t realized the need to be an active participant in the BR. One good lover is still getting the job done when she wants to be finished off and the rest of the time, popping is no biggie.
Do you see the communication possibilities here? They’re endless!! But I only get to see her on the weekends when we both need to defrag from our work weeks. Also, both of us are really good at avoidance. Why waste the weekend getting deep into it when we could easily get by just soothing each other?
I think the need for more action from Mrs. WM in the BR is going to bring me to reaching “critical mass” as Schnarch would call it.
Thanks for listening people. A lot of you have posted really good ideas and I do mean to get back to you. It’s all a matter of time and priorities. Even if I don’t reply, don’t think I haven’t listened and tried to relate to your words of wisdom. I take this seriously.
