Dealing with the Past

[sage]

Jasmine,

Hi. Welcome. I only have a second but wanted you to know we're out here .

With time there has been fewer flashbacks but it's funny how that sharp twinge or the feeling of heaviness in your chest still comes back just as strong as it has happened yesterday. If anybody knows what I mean.

Um, yah, I think you'll find a few of us who can relate to this. I'm glad to hear that time is helping and reducing the frequency.

BTW, you mentioned PTSD. There is literature to suggest the aftermath of an A yields similar symptoms.

I feel that all marriages have something to work on (there's no such thing as a perfect marriage), as you all know it's continually dynamic due to life changes/ stressors we have to keep working at our marriages. Finding ways to make it better. H feels differently though, he doesn't see anything wrong w/ us at all..things are better than it ever was..but I still see things we lack and need to work on (ie. I would like him to be more affectionate and to improve on communication). I think this had to do w/ the way women and men differ in thinking.

This is straight out of "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" (have you read it?).

Let me suggest this...use DB'ing to keep the improvements going without necessarily make some verbal assertions to h that you guys are "gonna work on it and make things better". Do you know what I mean? If your h is anything like mine, the "make things better" comments may eventually lead to him thinking you'll never be happy. Instead, I try to rely on DB'ing to make changes in my R without his "agreement". It can be slow and frustrating but it can work.

I forgot to note whether you've been on the boards for a while or are a newbie...either way, we could put some goals out there (I think you stated some areas you'd like to improve) and start doing some brainstorming.

Sage