That whole " I want you to not want of me" thing is taking me a while to process, too. My take of it is that she is willing to put herself out there to experience some sensual pleasure, but she is scared and feels pressured by your needs. If you use the sex as a swimming pool analogy, it's like you are comfortable playing in the water and you want her to join you. She is sitting at the edge of the pool and knows on some level it's normal and natural to have fun in the water, but she doesn't feel it yet. She'd like you to lightly splash her and she can enjoy the feel of things; she is asking you to not pull her in. I really see this as a first step, HDog. When my H and I began addressing the sexual issues between us, we had regressed so much...we had to learn to swim again. It was pretty weird. I think it's harder because damage has been done ( picture that on some level she has felt drowned by you). Trust needs to be restored. The resurrection of your sex life is going to come in awkward, small steps; this is the repair process and it has to start somewhere. I would schedule some time for you to give her pleasure.
