Quote: I can't separate ME from SEX in her mind by AVOIDING the issue, which, as you know, I have tried before.
I never suggested you avoid the issue, nor go into overkill.
Quote: So, Corri, what are you suggesting? Remember this line?: Explain it to me like I was a 6 year old.
She has a PHOBIA. Some people have a bizarre fear of water, or flying or spiders. They act in irrational manners when confronted with their fear. In studies on fears of phobias, shrinks are discovering that 'why' the phobia exists is not the key to solving the problem (i.e, I fell into a swimming pool and almost drown when I was three... therefore I fear water). The key is desensitizing the patient to the fear itself, regardless of WHY the fear is there in the first place.
You putting the comment about your butt into her calendar is like suggesting to a person who fears water that the two of you go for a quick dip in the pool. You are triggering her fear. If you always suggest to a person who fears water that the two of you do things together that involve water, that person is going to start avoiding you.
The first step here, from my very comfty armchair at home... is to help her understand that she does in fact have a fear of sex. SEX. Not intimacy. SEX. Smelly, sweaty, grinding, less that perfectly choreographed coupling.
Two, when she can admit that... it will help her understand that Hairpup does NOT equal SEX. Hairpup is the HUSBAND who inadvertantly triggers HER fear because HE does NOT have a fear of water (SEX).
Three. Run everything I've said here past your shrink, and see if s/he agrees/disagrees.
