Corri, I honestly don't know if it is that ML is tied up in romantic notions for her; or if she thinks that her vagina is a sacred shrine to the goddess and I'm not worthy to enter; or if she feels like she's prostituting herself; or if she feels that every penetration, no matter how consensual, is a rape; or if she feels uncomfortable with her body; or if she feels that it's just not that big a deal and it will 'happen' when we are all relaxed and comfortable.
I have heard all these reasons. They change in priority, some drop off the radar screen, and, I think all are given in an attempt to explain her reluctance to touch and be touched, which, I suspect, comes from events and treatment in her childhood which cause her to distrust men, which lay dormant until she took some Women's Studies classes in college, and which now provide ample support for her position, whatever it may be.
This is my suspicion. This is as close as I am able to come to true knowledge of why she is the way she is. Knowledge is power. I am able to dispel her blaming with this knowledge. I know it is she who needs to work on these problems and that all I can provide is support, an occasional push in the right direction, and the constant reminder that she needs to deal with this problem because I am there and want to share marital love with her.
Yes, she feels pressure from me. My mere presence is pressure to her, but I add to that pressure by making physical intimacy a significant issue in our relationship. I think it's one of the reasons we ended up with each other. I was possibly put into her life to force her to deal with these issues. I think she was put in my life to make me deal with my unreasonable sense of responsibility for the world's problems, my unreasonable acceptance of blame, and my unassertiveness. Mission accomplished for her...or at least we're well on the road. For me, I'm still working on getting her to recognize that a need to touch and be touched is not a mere frivolity.
