This is a guess on my part, but it sounds like your wife, when she says, "I wish you could touch me for my pleasure and not for your pleasure. I just want you to not want of me," thinks and feels of sex as an expectation you have of her. A performance she must provide for you... so she feels like a passenger on a bus she'd rather not be on, a paying passenger at that, not a desired woman being swept away in a limo.
Seems to me she still has sex wrapped very tightly in a blanket of romance... which is stiffling it's true expression. HD, she doesn't understand SEX... real SEX. She understands a romanticized notion of sex, and HER expectation of romanticized sex leads her to say: "I wish you could touch me for my pleasure and not for your pleasure. I just want you to not want of me."
If you can help her shed the very unrealistic blanket of romance and get her to a point that she can just discuss sex as openly and as clinically as she can one of her cases, it may help her become more comfortable with this whole sex notion.
That's one of the biggest things this board helped me with... desensitizing my romantic sensibilities... helping me openly talk about sex, body parts, body fluids, sex toys, mb'ing, scents and smells, etc., etc., you name it... I gradually began to see IT and me in a whole different light, kwim?
In other words... think of her as one of those kids who's ultra environmentally sensitive... bright lights, loud noises, raised voices... it is a real problem for them and they have to be gradually desensitized to all of it... but not all at once...
Does she even understand that it's okay to laugh during sex because the 'signature move' didn't come off quite right? Or because one of you 'kweefed?' No, I'm sure. This would end all thoughts of another round of sex for the next decade because 'that's not how ML is supposed to be...'
Guess what, HD. Again, it isn't YOU who has the unrealisitc expectations... it's her. But understand that and try to help her. That's a really hard place to get out of and I'll be damned if I know where 90% of us unlucky girls pick up this STUPID notion that sex was always going to be like it is in the romance novels, and even worse, think it's supposed to be like for the REST of our lives.... if it's REAL love...
