I am able to edit myself and I reckon he does too, although he is the less verbal of us so I can't say for sure.
But you are right, without the inflection being present people are hyper aware of what they write. This is useful when negotiating marital issues. Plus, sometimes it's easier to write something rather than say it out loud.
What a good idea. MrsGGB has her own computer, and I have my own for the business, so email would work for us. I just have to get the AC in her room (which is converted attic space above the garage) fixed so that she can actually read her emails comfortably! Both of us type faster than we write.
Hairy, have yourself a great and productive weekend. Expecting to hear great things from you on Monday.
I don't know the answer to that. I guess since I always assumed I was the one who was mis-communicating, I have never tried to notice it.
The point I'm getting at is up until recently you assumed you were the one not communicating well, but I think you've discovered that she finds a hostile intent behind whatever you say no matter how well you express yourself. I'm wondering if she only does this with you? with only males she is related to? with all men (even talking heads on tv, etc.)? or with women, too?
IOW does she have a chip on her shoulder toward others besides you.
And I'm further hypothesizing that her career predisposes her to put a negative spin on what others have to say (and exposes her to guys--the soon-to-be-ex husbands of her clients-- who either really ARE a$$holes or whom she is hired to make look like a$$holes).
Quote: Yes, the C had us do this, but very briefly, and, until now, I swear I always thought I was the one mis-speaking, mis-hearing.
It's the "if something went wrong I must have been responsible for it".
Rethink this throughout the rest of your relationship.
If you discover that you are invariably the one who apologizes, retreats, is in the dog house, on the other side, always wrong - then unless you really are the biggest a$$h*le in the world - rethink the positions you are automatically taking, or to which you allow yourself to be assigned.
I think less agressive people who don't have an interest in controlling the relationship, controlling their spouse, being right all the time, forcing their preferences on others, etc. are at a distinct disadvantage when dealing with a spouse who *does* have these attributes.
When you're capable of accepting that you could err, could get it wrong, might have not been clear, might not have understood - you're a one-legged man in a butt-kicking context when you're dealing with a spouse that comes from an opposing place. Because you are usually open to the possibility that you're getting it wrong, doing it wrong. Match that type up with the type of personality that is seldom if ever open to the possibility that they could err, the spouse who can accept that they make mistakes will be the spouse constantly accepting the responsibility/blame.
In many relationships there is a give and take. An equality between partners where each acquieces to the other at times. If nothing ever acquieces your way - YOUR NOT ALWAYS THE ONE AT FAULT.
That just means that you keep it in the forefront of your mind, that you are not *automatically* wrong. It will help remove some of the confusion you experience because you check out of the current conversation and start trying to calculate how you went wrong, where it went wrong, you never meant it to sound this way, etc.
My H (a fellow six) is just like you in this regard HD.
He is quick to assign the blame to himself.
And, as you know, I am never wrong so we make a good pair.
Well, that is a joke but it has been less than funny throughout the course of our marriage. I have had to learn to listen more, and punish less. Learn how to soften my stance and my voice.
I was never a mean or aggressive person but I was certainly NOT the one who would back down in the argument.
We were quite a pair: He was the nitpicking criticizer and I was the explosive punisher. He was quick to criticize and quick to then backpedal and say how wrong he was. It just fueled me even more. I wasn't hearing what he was saying because he said it in such a stupid way--yelling and criticizing--and plus he would ruin all his potential progress by then saying "oh I didn't mean it" just to keep the peace. That and he was just flat out wrong.
Ha haaaaaaaa. That was another joke.
At any rate, I wanted to chime in with Mrs and say that this type of matchup is really rife with crappy possibilities. Glad you are finding a way to lovingly get yourself out of it.
Hi folks, W and DD4 are at a birthday party, so I'm updating. So far, so good, this weekend. She called me upstairs last night to talk about her day, and actually touched me, and seemed more upbeat than she has in days.
Not going to this birthday party was actually a bit of a 180 in and of itself. Hairdog the wuss would usually ask, "well, do you WANT me to go to the party?" This time, I just told her that I'd prefer not to go. She said, "Well, what if I talk DD4 into having you take her by yourself?" (Her way of saying, 'I'd prefer to stay home by myself.') I said, "No. I took her to a birthday party by myself two weeks ago. This one is yours."
No argument, no fight.
We'll see how it goes from here. Whenever I think about going back to my wussy self, I think about how bummed I would be if Corri took her studded dog collar back. I look rather fetching in it.
No Hairdog on Ms. Hairdog action this weekend, but we did have an interesting conflict. We had to drive from a picnic to a nearby farm. She was driving. I had not listened to the directions. Her car was on "Empty," which is an issue that has come up before, and which she knows bothers me.
So we're driving, and she starts asking me where to turn. I have no idea. She gets all mad at me because I wasn't listening to the directions, and now we're going to run out of gas. She even blames the low fuel level on me, saying that we got a late start to the picnic because of me (I had forgotten the cole slaw) which precluded her from getting a fill-up. I just told her that I had already apologized for forgetting the slaw, that we ought to go back to the picnic and follow the other cars to the farm, and that, hopefully, we won't run out of gas. We end up going back to the picnic to follow the other cars to the farm.
At the farm, she comes up to me and apologizes for her ranting at me. This is a pretty big 180 for her. Normally, she'd just ignore it, and go on with the day.
Nothing much more of note happened this weekend. But it was definitely better than last weekend.
