Just had a long talk with my W, including telling her that I had talked with MC about her drinking. She didn't go ballistic, but she doesn't think we need to go to the MC to talk out this issue.
She reiterated that what she wanted from me was a promise that "for better or worse" I would not leave the marriage.
I told her about all the options I had listed...leaving, staying but having an affair, staying and suffering silently, and staying and fighting for what I thought was best for the M.
And I said I'd stay. For better or worse.
She wants me to feel safe talking with her? I told her that she's going to have to stop minimizing my needs. She's going to have to listen to me and take me seriously.
And I told her that she has to stop threatening to leave. Of course, she said she had only threatened to leave when she thought I was going to leave, but I reminded her that her divorce threats began long ago for a multitude of reasons.
And we talked about her drinking a bit. At first she was predictably nonchalant about it, then she tried to justify it, then she apologized for the things she said to me when drunk. I replied, "your apologies don't mean anything when I know that the next time you drink, you might say them again, and then wake up the next morning and apologize. You've done this before."
I told her that her words hurt me, that I found it difficult to stop thinking about them, and that it would take time to get over their effect.
After I told her that I would not leave the marriage, she said, "I'm going to have to let that sit with me for awhile."
I don't even know what that means.
I will see how she acts toward me tonight.
Only time will tell.
Hairdog, bewildered, tired, and somewhat apathetic about the whole mess.
