Quote: So, how does she explain why she chose to not have sex with you *then* since it was *before* you told her that a sexless marriage wasn't your top life choice?
Ahhh, she says that, back then, I would initiate, she would decline (for whatever reason), and then I would mope, get nasty, make her feel bad, grow distant, etc. Remember, this is what she said I did. Did I do this? Maybe some of it. I'm sure that, after a while, I grew distant. I might have even moped. I don't think I ever got nasty or tried to make her feel bad.
That she has taken this past, and made it the basis of her "I will not make love to you until you are comfortable with me saying 'no'" mantra, is why we are here. Because, as I've tried to tell her, and to show, I can be comfortable with her saying 'no.' But she knows what is inside my head, of course. So she knows I don't really truly feel that way.
Hairy, I feel for ya man, she's a piece o'work. It's like she puts up a new wall everytime you've torn one down. What is she so afraid of (I'll bet it is herself).
RE: GGB It's like she puts up a new wall everytime you've torn one down
GGB that is a good way to put it as it relates to my situation. Work on one problem and another one moves into first place.
Sometimes I go over the walls and do like JJ did a few times. So what if Mr. W was pissy, JJ wanted to get laid so she did enough untill he had sex with her.
I don't know how HD would work this (jj's aproach) out with Mrs HD. We might be hearing a 911 call on the police scanner, H raping W at 123 Paradise Road, HD's town.
I hope the HDs counseling leads to some walls being torn down or lowered.
We have a one and a half hour couple's session scheduled for next Wednesday. I am supposed to tell her what the agenda will be: 1. Fighting Fair, and her anger, drinking, and meanness during an argument.
2. Her need for me to declare unconditional love.
3. My need for a physical relationship.
And, if she tries to talk about these prior to the meeting, I'm to say "no." We can't have a healthy discussion of any of this without a mediator/third person present
Quote: ust when did the sex become an issue in your marriage? Was she more passionate before you married?
Annette: Yes, she was more passionate, touchy, supportive, understanding, less angry, before we were married. She attributes that to the "early relationship passion" syndrome, and that, everything since then is "normal."
Well yeah, it's not going to be as intense as it was the first few months, but you also don't want it to go down to zero.
Yes, I think the C understands that I'm on the edge...that I am almost overcome with sadness, futility and anger. I think she understands that Ms. Hdog's anger comes out in very unhealthy ways that need to stop. I think she understands that W's need for "unconditional love" is unreasonable, and that it's more a condition that W is placing on me. She understands my need to see progress.
I think she really gets it. And I think she can help me articulate it to my W. And yes, I think she can help us come up with solutions.
But I'm not expecting any miracles. We'll just see what happens.
Quote: 1. Fighting Fair, and her anger, drinking, and meanness during an argument.
I don't remember you mentioning much about the drinking before. Is that a relatively new problem? How much/often does she drink? As you know, some perfectly nice, reasonable people are just lousy, mean drunks.
