HD, Have you and Mrs.HD discussed exactly what unconditional love means to each of you? It may be helpful to know what exactly she is asking you to declare.
I don't mind the sun sometime
The images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
And smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and Sugar
And softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
Through someone elses eyes
BHS-"Pepper"
It certainly does sound like this is more a control issue than a sex one. If Mrs.HD is willing to cede control in other areas, maybe she will see that the world is not going to end, that in fact letting go can be liberating. It could be an inroad unexplored up until now. Just a thought.
I don't mind the sun sometime
The images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
And smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and Sugar
And softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
Through someone elses eyes
BHS-"Pepper"
Quote: MrsHD has a way of using her considerable brain power to try and twist things to her advantage. Debate team type bullcrud.
Definitely. I wonder if she likes her work. She seems like an unhappy person, and she blames HD for it. If he "made" her move to their current city, and she dislikes her new job.....
I got to thinking about this when I saw that she offered to spend more time with him, starting in August. That seems like an extremely odd thing to do. Who is so busy that they have no time for their family until August? I realize lawyers are busy, but c'mon. Maybe the stress is getting to her. Maybe she resents not being a teacher anymore (she did used to be one, right?).
Yes, Paul, she used to be a teacher, a professor, actually. She does miss the prestige that came from that.
But deep down, I think she just has a lot of anger inside. I say this because it really surfaces if she's been drinking. Alcohol removes inhibitions, right? I drink, and I become calmer and happier, even funnier (can you imagine?). A co-worker of mine who likes to flirt becomes downright slutty when she drinks. And my W, becomes mean.
She's got a lot of stuff she needs to deal with, but it's a lot easier to point a finger at me and say that I am the fault of most of her problems. And I, being who I am (but desperately trying to change) gladly take on the responsibility. Because I want her to like me. Because if I don't admit that I'm the problem, she gets even angrier.
I'm tired of being the whipping boy, and have actively been working on changing this dynamic. It's hard work, but worth it.
Regarding the free time in August issue; she apparently was able to settle a couple of cases, so now, she will be free this Thursday. Get ready for BIG changes! Yeah, right.
Just re-read my post from earlier and feel I owe you a apology. My words echoed much harshier then my intention. And my attempt to show my support of you with my thump on the head statement was ill stated. I do apologize for this. Hoping you have a peaceful evening and a wonderful day tomorrow.
No apologies necessary, Chrissy. Harsh words have their intended effect, which is to show me what you think of my situation, and to show that you care. Which I appreciate. There was a certain someone who used to post quite often on this board, who was known for her down to earth, get to the point, take no prisoners method of advice.
Quote: Yes, Paul, she used to be a teacher, a professor, actually. She does miss the prestige that came from that.
But deep down, I think she just has a lot of anger inside.
I guess what I was wondering is if these are related. In other words, if you suddenly agreed to pack up and move back to her old town, would her attitude (and presumably your sex-life and overall relationship) improve? If so, is it something you'd consider? I'm not saying that's something you SHOULD have to do, necessarily, but obviously compromises have to be made sometimes. If divorce is not an option for you, you may need to consider other extreme options.
I really respect your desire to do anything to protect your kids from further hurt.
Packing up and moving back to the old place is really not an option anymore. We could move back to the location, but our actual home has new owners. Her old job is gone, but it might be possible for her to get another job with the school. However, people have moved on, new people have come, so it is not the same great workplace it was when she left.
I cannot reconstruct what "was." Nor would it be a "solution." Our marriage was sexless back then, too. She would still have complaints and anger.
I don't know what compromises may or will be made. I feel I have compromised my sexuality, my essence, my integrity until there are just little glowing embers of the fire they used to represent.
HD, as you pointed out, sex has been an issue from early in your marriage.
So, how does she explain why she chose to not have sex with you *then* since it was *before* you told her that a sexless marriage wasn't your top life choice?
