Quote: The big problem is that, like a lot of you, I don't think mature adults in a marriage have that unconditional love for each other, that, rather, unconditional love is (or should be) given to one's children, and, depending on your beliefs, given to you by God, or the higher being of your choice. There are always conditions. If I beat her. If I beat the kids. If I became a drug addict and spent all our money. If I became a gambling addict and spent all our money. If I became mentally disturbed and started crashing our cars and burning our house. If I insisted that, every morning, I had to go into the front yard and move my bowels. If I started showing up every day at her office and, instead of bringing flowers, brought a six pack of beer and drank it all in five minutes.
I've been mostly lurking of late, but I have to reply to this one. I do believe that I love MrsBube unconditionally. Under the circumstances that you've cited, I'll readily admit that I might find it impossible to continue living with her, but I have no doubt that I would still love her.
If your kid became physically violent, you would still love him/her wouldn't you? So why not your wife? If your child became a drug addict, you would still love that child. Why not your wife? If your child crashed your house, burned your yard, and took a dump in your car, you would have to take steps to protect yourself, your property, and your child, but you would still love the child. Why is the same not true of your W as well?
I don't know how, or even if this applies to your sitch, but it might help MrsDog to understand your POV. You can declare unconditional love, but explain that there are conditions under which you might find it impossible to continue living with her - even though you would still love her. Your list includes aberrant behaviors which would make living with her untenable. Maybe you can make her understand that although you do love her and will continue to love her, you consider a complete lack of a physical relationship to be one of the aberrant behaviors that would make living together untenable. It’s worth a shot anyway.
