Ok, my mind is not on sex.....hmm, well, not much anyways!
Most all of my 'to do' list is complete, I have a pile of bills and paperwork to sort or just hide as I don't want ex going through any of my stuff tomorrow. (have to hide things on the puter also, jic!) I figure if ex is too much of a 'bear' to be w/I'm going out and leave him w/k's!
The company has still not made up their mind on hiring, but I will know by Monday.
I didn't get on here much yesterday, we had storms in the afternoon and that is always fun! S9 has no idea why the power goes out, and always asks me to 'fix' it. Last time this happened, he gave up on me and asked his brother to change the light bulb! So, we had fun last nite playing a game of hiding under the blanket since a tornado had touched down close to here. Every time I said tornado, s9 said a 'tomato' (due to his speech disability) Luckily, we had no 'tomatoes' hit us!
I think I am ready for this visit from ex. I haven't given up totally on a future R w/him; I just know that I'm not looking for it right now. So, that should come off to him as a 180� from what I have done recently. If the weather holds out for tomorrow, it will be in the 80's and sunny in the afternoon, so I am going to suggest that we take the k's to the beach for the day. I'm hoping ex will go for that, as I have a nice bikini to wear - it's not new, but he always liked it! If he doesn't, I'm still strutting around in my dd's shorts! T
Yes, you just have to love kids! I think that is why I feel so blessed w/s9 regardless of his disability. He has made me see life in a whole different way. If only ex could see him the same....
Tonight he is going around talking about some cartoon show on the incredibles and saying 'mr. woman'! I will have to watch the whole dvd again to figure it out!
Anyways, I am so tired tonite! I still couldn't get that plate holder on the truck right. The nuts are as tight as they will go and the thing still flops, so (a little ingenuity at work here!) I wedged some cardboard up under the plastic tabs and it's holding it in place. That should make it through the weekend.
Also, I can't find that little black bikini I own. I did find one of my dd's, and a really skimpy one I bought years ago. I'll see what works to go swimming in, I don't want to be flashing every1 at the lake!
I thought I would post the latest email from ex ..... ...hi, i will take off around 2 see you all soon 'ex'
He's being so pleasant, it almost makes me want to barf! T
I don't even know where to start. There's so much to tell!
Let's start at the beginning! Ex arrived about a half hour early. He had to hug me w/in the first ten minutes of being here, which I returned! He commented on how small I was and that my hair was getting long! I just blew it off!
He wanted to go shopping, actually bugged me about it all day, buy us some groceries and school clothes for the kids. I finally told him the store is too packed on the w/e and I had all the stuff to make dinner. I offered to 'make myself scarce' so he could spend some time w/s9, but he wanted me to stay!
We didn't get to go to the beach, but took s9 out to the library (one of his fave places) did some sightseeing (ex had me drive his car so he could look around!) and then to the local park/zoo. S9 had a blast and was really well behaved the whole day!
We came back to the apt, ex wanted to relax for a while since he was out of sorts on the time difference and getting up so early and invited me to lay down w/him on the couch! We rested for about an hour, but everytime I moved, he was worrying over the fact that he was touching me, and I kept having to tell him that I was fine w/that!
Even better, he decides that since he couldn't take us shopping, he would take us all out to dinner. But the k's wanted fast food, and he wanted 'sit-down' (very unusual for him!) so I HAD A DATE W/EX last nite! Wow. I am still amazed that he wanted to take me to dinner and had no problem leaving the boys for a couple of hours. And no complaints about how much dinner cost him! (he used to do that even when we went to fast food!)
We sat around and watched tv for a while last nite, s9 came out to sit between us, then fell asleep on dad's lap. Then, oh this does keep getting better and better if any1 is still reading I told ex he could come sleep in the bed instead of the couch ..... and he did! But nothing happened since he came to bed w/his clothes on!
5am, ex gets up, so I do and so does s9! but the little one fell back to sleep on the couch while I gave ex a back massage; he complained when he woke up that he was stiff (and yes it was! ) I talked him out of his pants and then back to bed! But I only made it to 'third base' guys, and finally put the s out of my mind since that's not focussing on the long term goal. Besides, I figured, I'd leave him wanting more!
He offered to make breakfast this morning (his usual Sunday morning deal) but we worked on it together this time; he couldn't really tell me to get out of my own kitchen! After breakfast we sat and talked for a bit, he commented on how relaxing it was here and I told him 'well, don't be such a stranger'. After he got around to head home, he was thanking me for letting him stay here instead of a hotel, I told him that it worked out for this w/e, but it may not be convenient next time!
So, overall, I think it went well. Sorry for the bit of pursuit (took too many lessons for Wes!), but I did end up being gone when ex called to tell me he made it home! And since there hasn't been a return call, chances are that he is out making up w/ow! I would love to know how that goes! Do I compare better than her??? I definitely think so, I've heard they just go out to yard sales on the w/e!
T
That sounds like a wonderful visit! You did amazing!!!! Sounds like he got to see all the great things he's missing out on. Bet you got his mind going now! I also bet it won't be very long before he's asking for another visit!
Thanks for the praise, that's good for the PMA! Actually I still feel like 'myself' today, and that's what I wanted, not at a 'high' pma level but that's ok.
There are a couple more positives and some negatives that I want to mention.
On the negative side, ex was so concerned about shopping and taking care of us, that he offered me $150 just b4 he left, but I only took the $100. Now I am still feeling guilty about that. He wanted to make sure the boys are covered for school expenses, but it makes me feel like a prostitute for acccepting money after he visits!
He talked about some concerns that he has been having some health problems. I didn't know how to reply to this. He said he has 'blacked-out' a few times in the last couple of weeks, but doesn't want to see a dr as any restrictions may cost him his job. I did tell him that it was stupid to drive up here then! But I'm wondering if he is just looking for sympathy!
I kissed him while we walked back to the car to thank him for dinner and again when he was ready to leave. He kinda flinched both times! So, basically he was only comfortable w/hugs and holding me around the waist. I guess that's still positive!
Some more positives; somehow, the mileage between us has shrunk! Logically, we are 420 miles apart. He used to say (always during an argument) that I was 500 miles from him. When he got here, he kept saying it was only 318! When I joked that it isn't possible, he says 'oh, that's from when i filled up on gas in Lansing' (ok, add 20 to 318 and I still don't come up with 420. or did I forget some calculation formula here?? )
He asked a few times on how well we are doing (and sometimes asked just how am I doing!) I steered the convo back to s9 every time and his progress. He did comment that he was glad to hear me joking after a couple of silly comments I made.
He emailed last nite to tell me he made it home, but couldn't call since phone needed to be charged. (hmm, has a car charger so that's silly) He said 'thanks for helping this weekend'????
And he did have tears in his eyes when he left. (right after my last kiss) so I played on that a bit more! (naughty me!) I had s9 come out to the patio to wave goodbye to dad over and over.
I'm thinking of telling him to count the $100 as an advance on c/s, and maybe throw in a joke about his 'blackouts' the next time we talk! Like - 'did you bang your head on anything this week- wouldn't want any sense knocked into you!' T
P.S. Just thought I'd kid you with a short note even though I never write short ones.
1) I think the pursuit was the proper amount, especially considering the shinking distance between you. It's not like you can be all over him all of the time. Perhaps some of his apprehension was about "cheating" on the OW. I'd suggest giving him a while to digest the interaction. Let him dissect it for awhile, make comparisons, think about you in a positive light. Now is certainly not the time for pushy pursuit. His own mind will do more to further your cause then anything you can say or do.
2) I'm glad your S got the opportunity to see his dad. Certainly sounds like he also wanted to see you. Sorry you didn't get the opportunity to wear the skimpy bikini, but maybe he got to see a more toned you anyway.
3) Don't start getting your expectations up too much.
4) Good luck on potential jobs
W
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
1. There is a little more pursuing that I'm not talking about here! But I still don't think I went overboard! (chat w/you later?) And yes about letting him dissect for a while. I don't plan on being easily available every time he calls.
2. S9 was happy to see dad, but also a bit clingy afterwards. He doesn't entirely understand the sitch, and I have to keep his needs b4 mine in regards to any future R.
3. I don't think I will! I really couldn't wait for ex to leave, (wanted to enjoy the rest of Sunday for myself!) We had a good visit, and I'm leaving it in the past for now. The ball is still in his court!
4. Working on some minor details as we speak! The company called me this morning, saying that the job is now listed in the newspaper and could I reapply? (Cuts out the temp service!) And I'm looking into finding a better daycare than what we had here last spring. Boys will be in school next week, and I'm hoping to start this job then also. Just wish the gas prices weren't so high! T
We rested for about an hour, but everytime I moved, he was worrying over the fact that he was touching me, and I kept having to tell him that I was fine w/that!
I told ex he could come sleep in the bed instead of the couch ..... and he did! But nothing happened since he came to bed w/his clothes on!
