His ex called me again, just to let me know some stuff he is telling her. He says he does have minutes after 9p during the week and has been telling me all along that he only has free minutes on the weekends. And then his story is that during the 6 mos prior to filing div; HE was working on the M! Funny, he was out every night then and not telling me his whereabouts and that is when I caught onto the EA!
She also called to warn me that she has to redo her C/S today since ss14 is in foster care and when she told ex that his portion may be increased, he said 'well, somebody probably won't get paid'.
Another turn on this; I emailed him Monday saying 'I'm done' and he emailed back saying 'ok, talk to you soon'. No word from him since! And no word on wanting any visitation w/s9! She knows about this and said he couldn't make plans to come there for visitation either; his car is broke down again!
Sorry, just venting some today. His other ex and I have agreed that we will no longer take his calls just so he can chat w/someone. It keeps turning into a 'pity me' type convo and if we aren't available he will have to turn to OW.
I'm not letting his current sitch bring down my PMA now. This may take some work, but that's ok!!
Somehow I lost a day this week; woke up thinking today was Saturday and then realized it's Friday!! YYYAAAHHH! Have a whole extra day to get things done and don't have to deal w/him today. (he usually calls on the weekend only)
Managed to give s9 a haircut last nite. Sometimes the only way he will tolerate it is when he is sleeping. That did bring back some memories of ex this time. Son's hairline is exactly the same as dad's! Ah the good memories.
Off to tackle the day, I was told that my pup has fleas when he got his haircut last week; even w/two treatments since then - he is still infested. Yuk. Well, I would rather be fighting w/fleas right now than fighting w/ex! At least that is a battle I can win! lol.
take care all. I will be stopping in s/t over the weekend when I need a break from studying for the interview! T
I actually had a recruiter call me on Saturday! Doesn't sound like a job I am really interested in, it's quite a bit of traveling, and I can't do that to sons! Looking forward to Monday's interview.
I don't know if this is good news yet or not. My dd24 had a positive pregnancy test! She is having some problems w/spotting and pain; so she doesn't want to announce it to the whole family yet. Thought I would post and tell all my bb buddies! I want her to be ok, but I also have to deal w/the possibility of being a grandma? Oh no!! I'm not ready ............ I'm not ready ............. or am I??
Not much w/ex. He called and I just said 'I don't feel like talking to you right now'. Then he asked how his son is. I said 'he's ok, goodbye' That was actually quite difficult to do. Makes me feel worse than when I went dark and didn't answer the calls. But I still feel he is trying to string me along w/false hope by calling me. Div people don't talk much, right??
On w/the day. Have to do some more studying. This job is in the biomedical field and tho I know quality, I want to know more on this company and what I can achieve there.
I have been off the bb for a while and just returning to catch up with folks. I hope you are well.
UD
The 3 laws of DBing:
1. PMA is critical to DBing.
2. Since drop in WAW's PMA leads to drop in LBS's PMA and vice-versa detachment is critical.
3. Validate to raise WAW's PMA and GAL to raise LBS's.
Not sure what to write about here! Not a lot has changed.
Interview went very well, but won't know anything until the first of the week. I did find another position available in the same general area that I'm pursuing also.
Haven't heard anything from ex since last w/e, and know that he will be off visiting other k's tomorrow. This has really been ok, I haven't had all the emotional ups and downs this week. Just a nice easy calm feeling going on!
quick update here ...... oh well, uh, yea, I just need to vent a little!!
He called. Somehow, I just knew he would, (even tho I kept telling myself to have no expectations) Not much of a convo:
Me: I didn't expect you to call Him: what did you think, that I would never call again? Me: there's nothing to talk about. Him: How is s9? Me: ok. Him: Listen, I don't want to argue w/you.... Me: I'm not arguing, I don't have time to talk, bye.
Ok, so here are my thoughts that I want to vent. HE chose to be out of our lives, I'm going to keep moving forward by not focussing on him and start getting my life in order. So, why does he have to call once a week to talk? All he ever says about s9 is 'how is he?' (lately I am only saying ok, since he isn't interested in any more than that) And the worst part of this -- he is telling my family that he wanted to come here to visit us and now he can't since I'm not speaking to him????
What did I do wrong now???
No, I think the real issue is; is that I'm not 'listening' to him. I don't want to waste my time hearing about his troubles. And by not having convos w/him I am the bad guy!?!?!? well, he can just have his little tantrum fit. This will pass.
Sorry, I just had to get this off of my mind. I may stop taking his phone calls for a while! Then I really wouldn't be talking to him! T
Sounds like you are trying the ice princess route. Seems lately we all have expectations about what are Xs should or should not be doing. It seems almost universal on this board that our Xs are pretty much thinking only of themselves. You have an expectation that he's going to actually show interest in your life when all he is doing is venting his problems. It's up to you whether you want to use the times he calls to listen in the hopes that it will draw you closer together. It's not exactly sweet and lovingly detached to say.."I don't have time to talk. Bye", but, who knows, this is "trying something different" so you might as well see if it has some kind of positive effect. Perhaps try getting off the phone as quickly as possible in the nicest way possible.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Well, I do have an expectation that ex might actually show some interest in s9's life, but I've managed to let go of most all of the other expectations.
At this point I don't want to be his sounding board any more. It has been too emotionally draining when we have 2 hour convos where all he does is vent on me. It also takes my focus off the boys and my life.
I really am not trying to be an 'ice princess' but maybe I'm doing that. I probably shouldn't have answered the phone, as he did call while I was making dinner and never bothers to ask when or if it's a good time to talk. I told him I couldn't talk now in a friendly voice, maybe I could have done s/t different??!
The ex's ex wants to talk to me again today about s/t he did over the w/e w/her k's. Not sure if I'm prepared for this or not! I'll post it if it's anything worthwhile.
T
I see you are losing patience with your XH. They are very frustrating and it may be right for you to not let your XH mess with you. However, going dark has not helped in the past has it? Are you cutting off email contact as well. I actually like the idea of not really contacting WASs by email. Regular email contact appears to give the impression of connection with little extra effort on the part of the WAS. I prefer telephone contact, where you can actually DB to some extent. I wonder if your XH calls every week and just checks off a to do list by asking "how is S9?" Or does he genuinely care? If the former what you are doing, i.e. going completely dark may take away the check list guilt salve operation that he is doing. If he does care, you can expect him to come back at you with anger. Your best strategy then is to stay calm and not get into an argument with him. In any case, your current strategy appears to be designed to move things one way or another. Try something different, right?
UD
The 3 laws of DBing:
1. PMA is critical to DBing.
2. Since drop in WAW's PMA leads to drop in LBS's PMA and vice-versa detachment is critical.
3. Validate to raise WAW's PMA and GAL to raise LBS's.
Looking forward to Monday's interview.
