Quote: I know that my ex hangs out on a biker bb and yesterday I had the idea that I could start posting there and talking about bikes.
Is that you? A person that wants to post on the biker bb? If it is solely for the benefit of X then I would not do it. When you are together with someone it's okay to express interest in things they enjoy, but in your current circumstance it will not appear genuine and would definitely be construed as pursuit.
T, you have been way to focused on your X lately. He has a lot to work through and I'd give him the time and space to do so.
It's nice of you to be there for him while his brother is sick. Just leave it be for now and at some point he'll recognize that you were support to him during this time. If you push it he'll only remember that you wouldn't give him the space.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
My goals from a couple of weeks ago haven't changed much, only need to add a couple more.
1. Continue w/job search and getting back on track w/career goals. 2. Continue w/toning regimen and my appearance. 3. Work on communication techniques. 4. Keep PMA up! 5. Do what works w/Ex! 6. Keep growing intellectually, spiritually and emotionally!
#7 Consciously let ex go and start moving on. That sounds like its not really w/the game plan; but my subconscious is hanging on to him too tightly, so if I really work at letting him go and start going my own way.....who knows!?? At least then I might remember not to start any R talks.
#8 Go back home! this goal is really eating at me. I've always said that I shouldn't move anywhere w/o a job; but yet I always do!! Right now I don't have a job here. And I have no family support, but they aren't supportive of me moving back there either
If I tell anyone that at least there could be visitation; no one expects ex to exercise it!! At least I wouldn't be the one to blame by being so far away.
A lot of friends and family think I'm just moving there to get him back; I don't know, I may see him in reality and not want him anymore, so I want to move back to work on getting over him. (does that make sense?)
The boys would have all their friends and activities back in their lives; I would have some long time friends to get back in touch w/. I could also visit family there more frequently.
I guess I don't really know what is keeping me here anymore; other than the fear of losing him when I get back. But I've already lost him, right?? So, then, what is keeping me from moving back?
Quote: I guess I don't really know what is keeping me here anymore; other than the fear of losing him when I get back. But I've already lost him, right?? So, then, what is keeping me from moving back?
Am I confused enough this morning?
Yeah, you sound confused enough. T, why are you letting other people (besides your sons) have any input into what you do with your life. Your ex is just that, an ex. He doesn't have any ability to keep you out of the state or the same town. If there is a job that you want in Michigan and you want to move back then by all means do it. Quit worrying about whether your parents are supportive of it or your ex is supportive of it. You do what is best for T, S17, and S9.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Sorry, Wes, missed your post about the biker bb. I have some interest in it, but it probably wouldn't be totally genuine at the moment, so I will leave that for the future.
Part of my desire to return to Mich is to show ex that I can live w/o him and I realize I haven't really shown him that recently. I CAN and WILL do that from wherever I find a job. That is the critical step that I need in my life right now; a 'job', not ex and I am back to working on that.
Last week, I told him that he was leading me on, which he said no, and I proceeded to vent everything that he does that gives me hope. (totally against dbing, but it's done now!) During the whole argument, he kept on about just being friends.
I sent him an email last nite, I'm tired of the games, nothing will ever change, there is no hope in working things out. (re: the sitch w/s9 and his saying he will come see him one minute and saying no the next!)
He emailed back, ok, talk to you soon!
He is still playing games! I don't know how to respond, I don't want to talk to him until he can start showing a little attention and concern over our s.
I am trying so hard to step out of his life right now and let him deal w/everything, then I can focus on ME; yet he keeps me involved. Do I just go dark for now?
Wow! You might as well have just asked him to remarry you. I suspect you know that you shouldn't have listed the ways in which he was "leading you on". From what you have written you might have put too much stock in "baby steps". You will now make him leary of even doing the small things for fear you will overinterpret them. What's wrong with just going with the flow? Your expectations of him are through the roof. You sound like me.
Okay, I've beat you up enough. Yes, back to focusing on yourself and your s. No amount of guilt or nagging is going to turn your X into the father he should be. Perhaps you're even standing in the way of him doing the right thing. The flat out telling him "come see your son...he misses you" approach is a cheeseless tunnel. Try something else.
About going dark. You should do that only if the intent is to spend that time working on yourself and not worrying at all about your X. Don't do it if you're thinking it's a way to make him miss you and want back together.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Quote: You might as well have just asked him to remarry you. I suspect you know that you shouldn't have listed the ways in which he was "leading you on".
At the time that I did this, I was literally pushing him away from me! I even said that to him; "back off! you're smothering me!" I had no expectations that he would come around, I 'wanted' to move on!
Then his brother gets sick, and ex leans heavily on me?? He isn't leary of anything yet!
I agree w/the cheeseless tunnel over s9. I even tried the approach that he goes to see other k's first and then come here.
The 'going dark' approach will be used as time for me. I am planning to ignore his emails and not answer every call from him and if I do answer keep it very short.
Ready to 'move on' today!! Actually I am working seriously on the illusion of moving on!!! Acting 'as if' I am moving on, etc, etc!!!!
I've tried being just a friend and listening but all ex does is bring my pma down. I don't need anymore depression right now and he can go do that w/someone else. In fact, I heard that he's unloading on his other ex already.
I have a new opportunity in Indiana, backtracking and finding out how well I did w/the one last week (hope I'm not too late) and an interview close to home soon. I am hesitant over it, since I don't have all the skills they are looking for, but I'm getting more excited over not having to move. Funny thing, haven't bumped into anyone I know all summer and then yesterday s9 and I ran into two of his teachers wanting to know if he will be back in the fall???!! Maybe this job close by is fate!!!
Speaking of fates, all I've been dreaming about lately is ex chasing after me or coming home to us!!?? This is probably since I have been trying to convince myself over and over all day long that I am 'done'! My subconscious is refusing to let him go.
I have been the WAS 2x before, during his PA 6 yrs ago, and then his EA 2 yrs ago. We worked out a resolution for the PA, but the EA episode was never resolved. He still claims nothing happened! ok. I am walking away now unless I see a reason he wants to work on anything. No more looking for baby steps; he will have to make a giant leap in my direction! I am leary of everything he does now!! What a turn of events!!
Another stupid dream last night w/ex chasing me. Yesterday's ended w/him catching s9 and disappearing w/him (probably from the custody fight last year, funny, I never dreamt about it then!) This one ended w/us being in school and taking tests; I was passing and not helping him even tho he was failing it!!
Managed to do a quick fix to my comp recently and tested it out yesterday w/my pc game that I love to play. Started playing this months ago when ex was out unaccounted for and I still like playing it. Of course, now the k's will be neglected and I may skip the job hunting and play video games from now on! j/k really, really I am j/k!
I have an ALL day interview scheduled for Monday. Wow. Ok, I've been tested hard before but not quite like this. This is the one that is close enough to drive to from here. It may be a good 45-50 minutes but I could handle that for a while. Need to keep the PMA high over the weekend and study hard.
Talked to ex's ex again last nite. Let her call and release some frustration and that was ok. We did notice a pattern starting that when she wasn't talking to him was when he started calling me more; now she has talked to him twice this week - he's not calling me!! He may be starting a custody battle w/her and she isn't sure that she even wants to fight it now, since bringing ss14 back into her house may disrupt the rest of her family. I am still remaining on the outskirts of this issue and will wait and see what happens. She knows I have told ex that we talked and she said as soon as I told him he started hiding the OW from her?? Said he stressed it in both convos that he is alone. hmm?
But life goes on. Moving forward on some financial issues, was surprised and received a letter yesterday saying s17's estate is closed. Have to deposit his funds in a safe acct that he can't touch until he is 18 and that will be done. Now I don't have to make a trip to Mich for it. And I was looking forward to that!!
Ok, back to Sim life. EA games sent me a coupon for my bday and I finally ordered the university edition. In two months they are coming out w/another expansion! I am such a geek, huh? T
Glad your PMA is back up. Don't really have anything useful to add, but just wanted to acknowlege that I/we are following along with the T-story and hoping for a happy ending. I do think that we all have it within ourselves to create our own happy endings. Your X, my X, it really doesn't matter in the greater scheme of things if they get to enjoy the benefits of our happy ending or not.
It does sound like you've dropped the rope again which is a good thing. And I agree with you. He probably needs to make a huge leap before it's believable.
It's great about the job. Good luck. Knock em dead
P.S. What's with all the dreams? I never have any dreams that can be related to current events or interpreted as having to do with the R I have with my X.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
I've been confused over the dream thing too. I never took much notice of them until a year ago when I had one that is still stuck in my mind. A couple of months ago I started keeping a journal of them.
I think the ones recently are just because I am trying so hard to keep ex out of my thoughts during the day, that he is leaking into my thoughts at night! Can't wait until I get past this!
