Quote: We have plans all day tomorrow for s8's bday. I have heard that ex never had made any plans to come here for it.
I figured as much. At least from what you've written I really don't get the impression he's in this game...either for his son or for you. I'm glad you have plans and hope you enjoy yourself. Eat a big piece of cake for me. I hope he at least calls.
Quote: I am just sitting back here and seeing what he does next. At this point, I don't know if I really see an R in our future. A lot will depend on what actions he takes next. I'm not totally giving up yet, I will keep my best positive attitude when we talk next. And let him deal w/his own issues.
That's all you can do, just sit back and see what happens. You've gone about as far as you can until he starts making stuff happen. Be looking for babysteps, but don't get your expectations up.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
I don't know how to post about what has happened! I am at a loss for words here!
S8, (well s9 now!) had a great time yesterday. Dd24 met us halfway at his second fave place (barnes & noble) and then we went to his fave place (mcd's). Then we went to the park and zoo, he enjoyed it some but it was way too hot (upper 90's) so we decided to go out for dessert (really just wanted water!) and everyone at the restaurant sang 'happy bday' to s9 and he was thrilled!
What I don't know how to explain is about ex yesterday. He contacted me by email first, asking when it would be a good time to call. I emailed him back when we got home.
He apologized for being upset the other night, which I accepted and apologized for my part of that. He wanted to know all about the bday, and asked how dd24 was doing lately! Then he says he is trying to get up here in the next two weeks to see us.
He really sounds sincere about this. We ended up talking for over 2 hours. Some of the convo was over nonessientials, (the weather, he ran into an old acquantance) and then we talked about other issues (c cards, 401k) I told him there was a delay on my taking the 401k since I can't get in touch w/someone at his shop, he said just to email him at work Monday and he will find out what is going on.
He made sure to talk about the trip up over and over, said it may only be for the day - get here early on Saturday morn and head back out on Sunday. And if he can't make it this week, will make it the next. He will let us know by Thurs.
Ok, so I don't know what to think now. I was ready to write him off, he wasn't even being friendly much over s lately, and then yesterday, I see this big turnaround? There was absolutely no tension between us during the entire convo last night! Do I take this as a baby step, or what?
So, I will continue w/Gal today. I really can't explain the difference in ex. T
Quote: I really can't explain the difference in ex.
That is absolutely RIGHT! You cannot, so do not even begin to try. Take it as a nice conversation, PERIOD. Reading into his call, his conversation will set you up for disappointment. Very difficult to accomplish, I know. I know internally I feel a little surge everytime something interesting or unusual happens with XW, but I also know after this long, it does not mean anything.
We tend to read WAY more into their behavior and I don't imagine they give their behavior or our reaction nearly the scrunity we do.
We look for something and likely they are thinking nothing.
I'm glad to see the increased positivity in your sitch.
Two observations for you to think about that might help you to keep the focus on you and your changes. 1) You just had a really good time (GAL work) and H likely knows some of that. 2) B/c of your GAL work, is it possible that you come across to H a bit less resentful and angry?
You sound like an incredible mother by the way.
BTW, what kind of fun, pleasurable stuff are you doing just for you?
I do look at this past week as positive changes rather than negative. Ex could have been in a worse mood yesterday w/the pressure I put on him the other night.
He kept the convo going most of the time, usually if I'm not talking much he will just say goodbye. I was fairly worn out from the heat tho, and he would ramble on about this or that.
I probably was a bit more relaxed last nite and not just b/c of my GAL work. We had our dessert at Applebee's and I ordered a drink to split w/dd24. (It's been a while since I had a drink and since we both had to drive, we were practicing moderation!) We reminesced about the fact that I took her and her sis out for their first drink (ok, first legal one!) on their 21st bday! So, I don't know if I am that great of a mom!
As for fun/pleasurable stuff? hmm. Still working out everyday, been studying the bible more regularly, and working away at the career goals. All this is not a lot of fun at the moment tho! Trying to think of doing something for me this week, just don't know what!
Quick note here, I'll be off to an interview this afternoon! Of course, this is another one I would like to nail (I could move close to dd24!) but I am stressing out for that reason. I just want to start working again and not doing interviews!
Update on the ex sitch. His ex called me again and is pushing me hard to use info that I have against ex. He also has promised the k's w/her to visit them next weekend. They are in KY, so it will be difficult for him to visit both places at the same time!
I am focusing totally on the job sitch for the next few days. Ex is on the back burner right now, and I may go partially dark to him so he can deal w/his other problems. I want to be there as a 'friend' but I also will not be 'used' between each of them.
Keep thinking good thoughts for me during the interview! I really want to get a job soon! T
Nice going with the GAL work - sounds like its paying off in terms of attitude.
The ex contacts seem a bit icky. Have you thought about screening out her calls/emails? My concern would be that she splits you and H (in his mind, at least). In your mind, I'd suggest seeing you and H as united, with his ex as an outsider. I know its more complicated than that, but sometimes its more effective to summarize.
Sending good thoughts and a prayer for your afternoon interview!
OM!
Ex just called me this morning!
He remembered it was my bday and called to wish me a good one!
He talked to his ex last nite (and she emailed again this am). Apologized for not being able to talk last nite, I said that's ok, I don't want to get in the middle of it. He says that he just wants what is best for his s14 and isn't sure if a single parent home is right to raise him. He wants me involved in this, but he didn't say how.
I hope he at least calls.
I emailed him back when we got home.
