And listing some history- Me 43 soon to be 44! Ex 43 but really looks much older than me! his kids: s24, s20, d16, s14 my kids: d24, d24, s17 s8 (soon to be s9!) ours together and diagnosed autistic
Bumpy ride through history, together 12 years, M almost 7 1st bomb Nov 98 (after which I found him in PA and he decides to work on M) 2nd bomb Aug 03 (suspected EA) I worked on m/b practices for 6 months, then separated from him for two months. He filed for div May 04 I moved back in June 04 Started working d/bing in Oct 04 D day went through Feb 05 I moved w/s out of state Feb 05 (move related to s8's schooling/therapy)
Ok, now does everyone have their curiosity about me satisfied? But wait, I haven't put any latest updates w/ex!
I did a little bit of pursuing w/him last night. It actually went really good.
Talked to his ex for a bit yesterday, she is really after me to be on her side in her fight to keep her s14. And she went on and on about there being an OW.
So, ok, I get in touch w/ex and say he really needs to come see s8 on his bday this weekend. He says he just can't. I fill him in on the latest from his ex, (other than the story of the OW) and we talk for an hour and a half.
But part of the convo was R talk. No expectations on my part, just a simple direct question of 'do you think we ever have a chance of reconciling?'
He really couldn't answer. Said well, not today, but maybe. I asked him what issues he has now, and he turned that around to his problem that everyone has taken advantage of him in the past and he doesn't want that to happen again. I did apologize for my faults in that area, and told him I want to work through that issue whether we get back together or not.
He did mention that there are some 'complications' in his life right now (this may mean OW, but I didn't accuse!) and I did tell him that I have already forgiven him for his past mistakes, that I had blown them out of proportion back then, and willing to just work on a better friendship/R w/him in the future. He said TY, he appreciates that.
Now we have had two phone convos in three days that have been long enough to kill a phone. (his battery died last nite and we had to get off!) Otherwise, he might have kept talking.
So, I am going to do a little low-level pursuing for the next month. Just indirect pressure so if there is another person, she has some competition! I plan to keep up the good convos w/him (might have to get another phone that stays charged longer) some pressure to come visit s8 and me! (i did mention to ex that I missed him too, but no ILY's) and keep my PMA going whenever we talk. And he even asked how I was doing last night! I didn't go into any details of the career, therefore, I wouldn't hit on his ego right now.
Still pursuing ex today! (watch out Wes, I'm taking over your place! - wait that might put me in a position to meet someone! )
Sent a little note for ex today since I had heard through the grapevine that he was home from work! (he couldn't commit to s8's bday tho ) Who knows I may have also caught him w/ow! (this is hard from 500 miles away!)
So, I just rambled on in my email asking if he felt ok, was work going ok, did he hurt himself? and to take care!
Immediate reply back, 'I took a personal day, how do you know i'm home? ex'
Ok, slap me for gloating!
I just told him that it was mentioned in a convo while I was bragging about him and his efforts to get here on Saturday. How was that, give him attention and a guilt trip wrapped up in one?
I'll keep you posted on the fallout from this. I really would like to slap ex for taking today off instead of Friday to come up here. So, 1 big negative for ex, s8 is not considered a priority this week.
Flat out asking if you two have a chance? Pretty gutsy and very much pursuing. Now you better sit back and see what happens. Given his response I would be very cautious. Maybe he's keeping an open mind or maybe he's enlisting you as aid against his other ex-wife and doesn't want to put you off right now. But now that you've said and done as you have all you can do is monitor for results. As you have said previously...it might be worth exploring the possibility that he wanted a R with you if he felt there was any hope. But now the ball is definitely in his court.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Too much pursuit I think, although Wes obviosuly is relishing this new Wes-like dejavu. It may be interesting to monitor what happens although I think that your H is perhaps too early in his MLC from what I can see to really bite the bullet and come running back to an R. But experiment and monitor results, right? In any case, I think you have cast enough stones in the still water and may want to back up and sit still to see how things play out.
UD
The 3 laws of DBing:
1. PMA is critical to DBing.
2. Since drop in WAW's PMA leads to drop in LBS's PMA and vice-versa detachment is critical.
3. Validate to raise WAW's PMA and GAL to raise LBS's.
You experimented, now keep an objective record of how it goes. In my case, I've scare W a bit with my subtle pursuit earlier this week (nowhere close to asking whether we had a chance still. T, do you a have big set of b@lls or what?!) , and it triggered some rehashing and exchange of old/new hurts or issues. I think we've traveled thru them somewhat, but there will be more of that to come before any real considerations of reconciliation.
Hang in there, and you and S have a great BDay regardless, 'kay?
Experiment and monitor. That's what I am doing at the moment.
And maybe I am being a little bit too gutsy!
Quote: T, do you a have big set of b@lls or what?!
Hmm, I'll check......nope, well maybe I do what w/all of ex's drama coming at me right now. It's either stand up and fight or back off totally at this point. He seems to want to keep me dangling all the time. And for what reason? This is what inquiring minds want to know.
Today's email to him about being home from work did not go over well at all. He finally emailed me back w/this message:
.....but after today i find no humor in how you know from 500 miles away that i am not at work ....
Sounds a little bit p.o'ed right now. I will ignore this unless anyone has a better suggestion.
Somehow today I must have pushed the right (or wrong button!) and he seems ready to blow. I'll just watch out for myself and the boys. Ex can spew all over for all I care!
T
ps. He just called tonite 2x already. (I was on the phone w/dd24 but I don't think I will be calling him back--let him think that I may be in Mich already!)
Ex actually called 4x Wednesday nite. I didn't talk to him and have had the ans machine off lately. (maybe I should have turned it on to hear what degree of anger he is at) No word from him at all yesterday. But I did hear that he went behind my back and let it out some that his other ex and I talked. (it came back to me through her!)
I have 3 interviews scheduled for the first of next week. 2 of them on my bday! How would that be for a gift to me?
We have plans all day tomorrow for s8's bday. I have heard that ex never had made any plans to come here for it. This is becoming a big issue w/me right now and I am trying hard not to blow up over it.
And that is part of our problem. There is way too much pressure in our interactions, has been for a long time. I usually was the one to blow up and WA, he would always stew about it and then play dirty.
I am just sitting back here and seeing what he does next. At this point, I don't know if I really see an R in our future. A lot will depend on what actions he takes next. I'm not totally giving up yet, I will keep my best positive attitude when we talk next. And let him deal w/his own issues. T
)
) Who knows I may have also caught him w/ow! (this is hard from 500 miles away!) 
