General inspirational stories....

[Just_Me]

Hi,

I just made that big headline to draw attention to the fact that there are very few divorces busted in the "another divorce busted" section. Is that because no one posts or because there are so few divorces actually busted?

Here's my letter to Michelle:

Dear Michelle,

Thank you for advice on the book and tape; they changed my life even if they didn't actually turn out to be a divorce remedy.

My story is a lot like everyone else's on here. I noticed my now XW spending increasing amounts of time on the computer; sometimes getting up in the middle of the night to send e-mails. I started researching "chat-cheaters" before I even knew she was one. I could definitely sense the distance that had developed between us, it was of Grand Canyon dimensions so it was hard to miss. Turns out she had met someone on the internet and was madly in love. She "loved me, but was not in love with me".

To make what could be a really long story short, we separated within a month after she "dropped the bomb". We were divorced 5 months later, and now I find myself three months out from divorce and if not expecting or hoping for, at least not discouraging, a new relationship with my XW.

I discovered DBing within the first several weeks and worked on improving the things about myself that needed improvement. I now see that regardless of the outcome, I am a better person for having worked on myself. I actually could use a refresher course in me to make sure that I'm truly becoming the man I want to be. Maybe I left out fulfilling some of my early goals.

Michelle, in the early weeks after applying your principles, I truly felt that I was nearing success. After two weeks she indicated she was thinking of coming back and that it would only be a couple months. Funny, but that never materialized, for whatever reason. Maybe I did the wrong things or perhaps in many situations the decision is already made and nothing short of a miracle would change the course of events. Who knows? Looking back at my attempts to DB, I do have some regrets about the way I handled things, but overall I can't complain overmuch.

But regardless, because of what I learned through this process, especially with the help of all the wonderful people on this board, I was able to not only maintain, but improve, my self-esteem. I now have a friendship with my XW. I might not be doing things exactly as I probably should-I stopped making goals or looking for babysteps-but she does initiate quite a bit of contact with me, invites me to do things with her or her family, and we have friendly conversations; something I wouldn't have thought possible in the early days following the "bomb" when all I felt was pain and anger. I look back now and am frankly amazed at the personal progress I've made. It seems almost as if I've endured a trial of fire. Unfortunately for me, and for many of us on here, the trial of fire also involves a fair amount of scarring. Hopefully those of us that have failed to "bust" our marriage, but survived and perhaps even thrived, won't allow the scar tissue to mar any future relationships. Most importantly, we will hopefully carry the lessons learned through this painful process forward with us into our current and future relationships-be they with friends, children, siblings, parents, boyfriends/girlfriends, or future spouses. For giving me the tools to lead a better life you have my gratitude.

Thank you,

Wes