Quote: I would like to reply to the idea that you should put yourself and your needs first.
Have you misinterpreted the quote?
It says nothing about being selfish in a "me first" manner. But it does convey the idea that one needs to save oneself before one can save another. In less drastic circumstances, one needs to keep feeding oneself to be able to feed others. This is a very realistic longterm plan, IMHO.
I'd have to agree with Gabe on this one. I don't think anyone is advocating think solely of yourself all the time and the h@ll with everyone else. But you should look after yourself. How well do you think religion would work if the people teaching it didn't bother to work on believing themselves before spouting gospel. Do you think the Dalai Lama doesn't think about his own inner peace before telling others about it? I think he probably has spent quite a bit of time on meditation and working on his inner harmony. Then he spreads his words to others. My pastor does the same thing...he selfishly fosters his own relationship with God rather than continuously selflessly spreading the word all the time. I think that is all this is saying. And it applies to relationships. We have to be complete without our spouses, comfortable in our own skin, before we have anything meaningful to offer. Just my thoughts on what this means. Not trying to start an argument.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Here's the daily OM. Try smiling even if you don't feel like it.
Quote: Spreading Happiness Smiling The face is a complex palette of emotions. A slight turning up of the lips and a crinkling of the eyes can signal pleasure, contentment, happiness, or satisfaction. But in all cases, a smile is more than it seems. A smiling person is often judged as more attractive, pleasant to be around, sincere, honest, sociable, and inviting and is considered more confident and successful. Smiling is not a learned action. Even those born blind will smile when experiencing a joyful moment. A carefree smile is a quick and easy way to tell the world that you are open to new experiences and eager to meet new people.
It is assumed that a bright smile stems from happiness, but research has also shown that genuine happiness can stem from a smile. Even a smile called forth when you don't necessarily feel like smiling can trigger the release of endorphins, brightening your day. The simple act of smiling can help relieve stress by relaxing your facial muscles and encouraging you to focus on happy memories. And a forced smile, which only involves the muscles of the mouth, can easily turn into a true smile, which lights up the entire face. A smile motivated by real happiness is likely to inspire someone nearby to smile, possibly because of the _expression's origins in the primate grin. That grin, which some scientists believe evolved into the smile, signaled that the one grinning was a friend rather than an opponent.
In ancient China, Taoists taught the benefits of the inner smile because they believed it insured happiness, health, and longevity. One smile can lessen the sting of a negative mood and bring on a better one. But don't be self-conscious about it. Smiling is universal and looks great on everyone. A smile, directed inward, outward, or at nothing in particular brightens the world and is a gift to those who see it.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
This isn't an inspirational story. It's a reality story. I looked through the success stories (most of which are pretty old) and didn't see any cases where it worked after divorce. It also seemed that most of the stories weren't about separated people.
So I searched the internet for remarriage to ex-spouses. There weren't many hits on that either. So basically we are left with anecdotal acccounts of people that remarried their Xes. So what do you think the odds are? I've heard a fairly high quote, but I bet reality is like .1%
I guess that wasn't real inspirational. But knowing the odds or hearing success stories doesn't change the fact that we can only be the best people possible, be happy with who we are, and get a life. The ball is entirely in the court of the X whether they want another relationship with us.
But it would be nice if Michelle could provide a success story or two from people that were divorced. But maybe "divorced, but not done" doesn't really fall into the category of "divorce busting".
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Quote: Remember when I was young and so were you And time stood still and love was all we knew You were the first, so was I We made love and then you cried Remember when Remember when we vowed the vows and walked the walk Gave our hearts, made the start, it was hard We lived and learned, life threw curves There was joy, there was hurt Remember when
Remember when old ones died and new were born And life was changed, disassembled, rearranged We came together, fell apart And broke each other's hearts Remember when
Remember when the sound of little feet was the music We danced to week to week Brought back the love, we found trust Vowed we'd never give up Remember when
Remember when thirty something seemed old Now lookin' back, it's just a steppin' stone To where we are, where we've been Said we'd do it all again Remember when
Remember when we said when we turned gray When the children grow up and move away We won't be sad, we'll be glad For all the life we've had And we'll remember when
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Listening With A Open Heart Being A Good Listener Everyone appreciates a good listener. We all know how wonderful it is to be able to have someone to share our life with, whether it is the joys and frustrations of being a new parent, the excitement of a new career, the heartache of a lost love, or simple chitchat. At times, we all want and need to be heard. It is equally important then that we develop the skills to lend a helping ear to others.
Being a good listener means being an active listener by being fully present when someone is talking to you. Making eye contact when someone is speaking helps to connect us to one another. It also keeps us focused on what is being saying, rather than what we are thinking. We need to not only hear words, but also to read body language and understand feelings. It goes without saying that we shouldn't interrupt someone when they are talking, or to judge and criticize, but often we fall into such habits without being conscious of them. By being fully present when someone is speaking we are better able to simply listen and give advice only if we are asked.
We don't have to agree with everything or anything that is being said, but listening with an open mind is respectful to the speaker and it allows us to understand the other person and ourselves better. By letting go of assumptions and hearing what is being said, as well as the tone of voice the speaker is using, we can better understand our differences and perhaps find some similarities.
Reflect back to the speaker that you understand and empathize with their feelings of happiness, anxiety, and/or sadness. Ask questions if you don't understand, but respect boundaries if the speaker seems uncomfortable. Sometimes, being a good listener means listening to the silence in between words. Being a good listener is easy - simply listen with your ears, as well as your heart
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
I got the call today, I didn't want to hear But I knew that it would come An old, true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone She said you found someone And I though of all the bad luck, and the struggles we went through And how I lost me and you lost you What are those voices outside love's open door Make us throw off our contentment and beg for something more?
I'm learning to live without you now But I miss you sometimes The more I know, the less I understand All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning again I've been tryin' to get down to the heart of the matter But my will gets weak and my thoughts seem to scatter But I think it's about foregiveness Forgiveness Even if, even if you don't love me anymore
These times are so uncertain There's a yearning undefined ...people filled with rage We all need a little tenderness How can love survive in such a graceless age? The trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness They're the very thing we kill, I guess Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms And the work I put between us doesn't keep me warm
I'm learning to live without you now But I miss you, baby The more I know, the less I understand All the things I thought I figured out I have to learn again I've been trying to get down to the heart of the matter But everything changes and my friends seem to scatter But I think it's about foregiveness Foregiveness Even if, even if you don't love me anymore
There are people in your life who've come and gone They let you down and hurt your pride Better put it all behind you, life goes on You keep carrying that anger, it'll eat you up inside
I've been trying to get down to the heart of the matter Because the flesh will get weak and the ashes will scatter So I'm thinkin' about foregivness Foregiveness Even if, you don't love me
Where were you when I was falling down wasn't around your heart Why do you wait till I was moving on to come out of the dark to say I'm what you need and you can spend your life with me Well I can't help you now no I can't help you now Maybe there was a time but sometimes time runs out well I can't help you now
It's been 40 days since I've stopped counting the days Counting the ways that I love you Good long while since I found good enough reason Stop believing that you are what I really want and now that you do baby I don't
but I can't help you now I can't help you now Maybe there was a time but sometimes time runs out And I can't help you now..hey hey
Now you say I'm the one you need and you can spend you're life with me but I can't help you now no I can't help you now......I can't help you now
Baby there was a time and I wish I could somehow but I can't help you can't help you now
How is everyone? This is a Jeremy Camp song written after his wife died. I think it's applicable to divorced too.
Scattered words and empty thoughts seem to pour from my heart I've never felt so torn before seems I don't know where to start but it's now that I feel Your grace falls like rain from every fingertip, washing away my pain
Chorus: Scattered words and empty thoughts seem to pour from my heart I've never felt so torn before seems I don't know where to start but it's now that I feel Your grace falls like rain from every fingertip, washing away my pain
Chorus: I still believe in Your faithfulness I still believe in Your truth I still believe in Your holy word even when I don't see, I still believe
Though the questions still fog up my mind with promises I still seem to bear even when answers slowly unwind it's my heart I see You prepare but its now that I feel Your grace fall like rain from every finger tip, washing away my pain
Chorus I still believe in Your faithfulness I still believe in Your truth I still believe in Your holy word even when I don't see, I still believe
The only place I can go is into your arms where I throw to you my feeble prayers in brokeness I can see that this was your will for me Help me to know You are near
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
