OK. I didn't get that sense reading through how you were 180ing, so I thought I'd mention it.
I told H this this morning. I told him straight out, everything that happened was not just his fault, it was the OW's fault and my fault as well.
That's R talk, isn't it? Reminding a WA of their part in the failure of the R at this stage... I dunno! Wouldn't that make them feel guilty? And why bring up the OW at all?
UHM, what's PMA? I still don't have the book...no money:(
Stands for "Positive Mental Attitude". If you don't have the funds for the book, why not check your local library for a copy? Chances are even if they don't have it, they can get a copy.
I also told him he was more than welcome to come, but he is choosing to go away.
Don't take this the wrong way, as I'm not coming down on you. If I were to make a suggestion, it would be to omit telling him what he's doing ("I also told him... he is choosing to go "), what he's done ("I told him straight out, everything that happened was not just his fault"), what he should do ("I told H this this morning... we have to look at this moment, and learn from what happened in order to change our behaviors")... let him figure it out himself. Focus entirely on you.
So in the above example, if you want to invite him, invite him. And if not, don't. But don't not invite him because you believe he'll choose not to go. That's like thinking for him and making his decision for him.
It's a little controlling-like and presumptuous to do another's thinking and determinations for them. It can make the person feel guilty around you, which isn't a pleasant feeling and if they get enough of that may seek to avoid you; it can raise their defenses, which serves to divide rather than unite. It's a better approach to deal from your own center and how it affects you, rather than making determinations how others should go about it.
For you, it would mean freedom from a connection to acting in a way that's linked to what you believe the outcome of his actions would be. Surprising things can happen when one detaches from that and permits an environment where the WAS can come to their own conclusions. For example, opportunities for positive contacts may have been explored if you had invited him and he decided to attend.
Though he comes around, don't be misled into thinking that the above mentioned behaviors have no consequence, rather, see this as an area where tweaking it into a more positive vein may result in more positive baby steps.
