Great Idea for a thread...listing our 180s and the shocking ones that get our WASs jaws dropping
As for me...I've tried my best to do the basic 180s ( for me )...listening, validating, being upbeat and pleasant etc
Others include throwing my first party solo at our house for my Bday ( H then asked if I wanted him there...I dropped the rope and said it was up to him...so no begging or pleading ). I guess a 180 I did was a 180 b/c I just ended my pregnancy and climbed into some hot sexy party clothes to go out ( wore heels...which I didn't do that much even before the pregnancy and showed cleavage....that got H all nervous when he saw me dressed up like that ). Then H TRIED to ruin my night by calling me to come home b/c the baby was crying...I did ( saw H had made alternate plans now to go out b/c he thought I'd end up STAYING home....I said " No, going back out...promised my friends I'd be back..and left " H was pouting, said FINE. I came home a litle later than I said I would ( H was sitting all dressed up waiting for me to return and then he went out...). So it was a 180 for me b/c I stood my ground and went back out.
So I've gotten out when I can ( difficult with a newborn )..But I need more ideas that fit into my lifestyle now ( first time mother with 1 month old baby ). I read everyone's great 180s...like rock climbing, dancing, golf lessons....and I feel limited not only b/c of the baby but b/c I'm here in Taiwan and don't have a lot of those fun recreational activities available to me...not even mom and baby classes to sign up ( and no family here to watch the baby so I can go do those things or anything outdoors or fun ). I'll be back in Canada in a month so I'll have more options, but I'll be an ocean away from H where he won't see me do those things anyways. I need some ideas what I can do for the next month while I'm still around him...I want to have a little fun playing this 'game' with him...to get him thinking.
Sorry I had a very poor choice of words. Most Mexicans work me to death (cant keep up) but the example was more an attempt to bridge cultural gaps than show any attempt of anyone is better than anyone else. Usually that works well. I've seen the alternative and that aditude does not work.
My example is to show respect to anyone and make an attempt to learn other folks methods. This is very true for folks from areas distant who may have ideas and methods we can benifit from.
I can see where you came to your conclusion based on my post.
I'll take an 180 on explaining my thoughts better
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
I understand and apologize for misinterpreting. I commend you on your efforts to soften both your appearance and your demeanour. I'm doing the opposite - working on toughening up. It's a process, eh!
Anna Ok please do not get too tough to beat me up by the chosen few cause the few and the proud would never let me live it down. I like Bacon and SCTV so be kind.
Will take up old 2nd profession of gituar playing. Maybe a little more Country Joe and a little BB to tap the feet. Maybe Spanish Gituar.
Maybe try dancing. Got two left stone ugly feet. Had to listen to YMCA and Love Shack every USMC birthday ball. Gotta get some variety.
Growing my hair out did not work. Drove me nuts. Looked like a lawn mower went over my head. Back to high and tight with a green bandana. Still PT like a big dog cause cannot stand how I physically feel otherwise. If gaining 30 lbs and being lazy felt good I'd do it.
Learn Spanish so I can get a clue to what the folks are saying where I live and work. My attempts provide them comic relief. Always glad I can help. Eh!
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
A 180 to put yourself last. Wow. This is tricky because you also want to take care of yourself right now and be happy. Maybe a 180 of not putting yourself last, but of others of equal importance to yourself? So it sounds like you see yourself as the stereotypical military man, or that others do. I think the softening the image may have alot to do with what's inside as well as outside. There should be a ton of opportunity for 180s here. You don't have to be a wimp to be soft on the edges. Can you grow your hair out a bit so you can style it some? Purchase some nice business attire...maybe try to get some basics to build upon, like the khaki slacks, a nice suit, some dress shirts and ties? What about your manner? Can you soften your communication style? Can you show a more empathetic side of you? Things you do...can you expose yourself to different situations and hobbies in which you nurture that softer side of you? I think to be softer, look at it from all angles. Don't drastically change who you are, or try to overnight, but maybe start to work on a few of these things at once. I think this is a fabulous opportunity for you to do a good 180 that you will be happy about. Also, maybe it will help if you can find some non-military folk to hang out with some, if you want to step back a bit from the macho military stuff. It's amazing how much those around you influence you and you pick up their mannerisms, etc. Broaden your horizons a bit, if that makes sense.
Thx for the advice Tell me again what are your 180s.
I Will look into Spanish Gituar Dancing lessons Learn to flirt. Learn details and complement Fairer Sex on them. Dress, ear rings, highlights (that's a tough one being color blind) Maybe simple majic tricks.
I guess get a personality. Had a personality labotamy last few years. most of it self inflicted.
Looking to blend in to the Civillian world cause D11 had issues with me overseas.
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
Hi No Hill... My 180's I've done and feel good about for ME:
Appearance- H and I were having financ. diff. and so I was not taking care of myself like I wanted. Of course, H still did. So despite the finan. sitch, I have been going to a good salon to get my hair cut, I went and bought clothes that I really like (had to as I lost so much weight)Effective with H. Self- looked into the "control" issues H complained about and I just didn't see. Discovered how much of my life has been impacted by my perfectionism and anxiety about things and about how that impacts my R's, etc. Have significantly worked on this. Have changed some patterns related to this...as well as my outlook...find I am much more happy and calm- though it may not seem like it the way I vent sometimes on the board! But in my life and interactions, I am very calm. Effective with H. Communication- I have changed how I communicate. I used to think I listened, which I guess I did, but I did not validate and I always tried to "fix things". I have become good at validating, at not taking things personal,etc. VERY effective with H. Smiling and optimistic and more outgoing- I have always been a bit insecure and shy and I realize that it isn't fun...and who cares if ya look like a fool sometimes...I can be shy and wish I was having fun or I can get out there and have fun. Effective with H. Chasing- completely stopped. Effective with H. Detachment from H- has been very hard for me to do, but I think I am there- mostly I realize that when I cry or feel upset, it is not that I miss my H as much that I feel hurt that someone I trusted and believed in so much treated me so harshly, when it was not deserved. H sees my detachment and this is effective, let me tell you. Quit being the one to always "rescue" everything. Quit trying to keep my house. Put it on the market. Instead of talking about ways in which I could keep it all together, and getting 2 jobs and killing myself to do it...have said "this is a great opportunity for me to evalute my life and build a life I want...it's only money, who cares" Big 180 for me. Has reduced my anxiety and has been a surprise to my H. Regarding the sitch of H abandoning me, having an A, etc. Instead of being destroyed by it...have thanked him for helping me to stop by freight train life and to reflect upon myself and this great opportunity. Another shocker to H. Latest- put a personal on the internet, emailing back and forth with my handsome dance instructor- H checks my email and this he has noticed! Last week, H was texting me and I mostly didn't reply. I texted him 2x just factual info about the house- brief and not chatty. He'd text back being chatty and I didn't reply. H knew I was going away for weekend. Before I did, put personal on internet. Have gotten a lot of respones, from some guys that at least present themselves as really with it- successful, interested in outdoorsy stuff like me, with pics that show handsome men. Anyway, I know he checked my email while I was gone. Returned home...zero contact with H attempted. Finally, he emailed me a joke. I replied a simple "Ha." H has texted me a couple times. I reply in similar manner...making no attmept to communicate or get together. H has been really attempting to contact me. Finally, he asked to get together and I did. He made veiled mentions of the personal ad...no response. So I just had fun, acted a little wild, stayed detached. H told me he thought I was moving on. I said yes, I guess I am, what choice have I had? I'm going to be happy regardless. H was much more attentive to me...trying to make small physical contact, trying to talk with me about science (my interest, not his) and H asked if could apply to work for a second job where I got a job if you can believe that. I said, sure, whatever. So my 180's are definitely having an impact...but not just on H, on me as well and I feel more comfortable finally with the idea of moving on. I wondered and wonder if what will happen is that by the time I am gone, is when he will want me back. I think so. Pretty sad, really, because I really did love him at one time. Anyway- these 180's have worked. I have done alot that doesn't work too. The biggest thing is that I am really ok with who I am and having a life without my H. And that gives me peace and hope for my own life. For the first time ever in my life...I am my own priority.
. Seriously, you know I've got your back girl.