Being a LD myself I could relate to what you were saying about your S labling you as a pervert. Not saying that you are mind you. But I did have that exact same feeling towards my H until recently. Used that exact same word to describe him for ages. In my mind he had to have something wronge with him it seemed like every thought and action he made was based on a want for sex. Mow the lawn he wants sex. Do the dishes yeah he wants sex.It seemed everything was all about sex. I really felt he had a problem it was all on him. And after talking to friends and family none of them admitted to being to interested in sex either so I appeared to be the norm and that only reinforced my belief that my H was a pervert. Then I found this bulletin board and the faceless nameless people here have made me understand that the real truth is the word admit. And my H is not as preverted or isolated in his high sex drive as I thought. I started seeing not only men but woman screaming I want sex. Saying I want a emotional connection that comes from a sexual encounter with my spouse. And though I do not feel this connection from sex I am starting to understand it and his wants and needs for it. I would have never listened to his words of this is why I want sex to feel connected loved and secure. I would have thought wow her is a new one to try to con me into having sex with him. But others words and thoughts on this matter and the amount of others have finally made me sit back and say hmm maybe he is normal maybe it is not just his problem maybe he is not really the pervert I have classified him as all these years. So all that to ask this question. Does your wife ever read this forum? If not maybe if she did she could gain some insight into you as I did my H by realizing it is not just you who feels sex is that much of a important factor in life. I would have never been open to that without this BB and the truth that lies within it. Since we are all faceless here we are free to say what is real within us.
One thing I did want to address. Was you stated that your wife was molested. And that it inhibates you from feeling free to be yourself in certain manners with her. This worrys me and makes me wonder how and what she has done to deal with the emotional baggage that molestation brings to the table. If you feel it is tainting her and your relationship by making her see normal as perverted then it does not sound as if she has really come to terms with the past and it is still haunting her. This is so unhealthy for her. I understand your not asking her if you feel it is painful for her I admire your consideration. And having been molested myself by my grandfather I understand her not just bringing it up into conversation. But I from experience also know if you do not turn around and face your demons they will consume you and everyone around you will feel the fallout.
I just wish for once I could be 100+ out in the open and be accepted as I am.
AHH I think most of us here feel that way about something that we feel we have to hide about ourselves from our mates . Found a simular quote on another BB today. Worded differently but meaning seems the same
If you feel you must hide your feelings from your partner, then you need to hide your partner from yourself
I think we are all on the same quest to be accepted and loved for who were are. It is great to have company on the journey someone to help carry you along. It is just sad that the journey is so long and the roads that lead us to our goal seem to all be underconstruction.
Again all this just to really ask if your wife reads these forums and suggest it may help. Sorry so long winded it is a curse.
