Quote: Just curious...what is your H's attiude wrt the kids? My H also has strong dependency needs, but he is trying to set examples of autonomy, discipline and responsibility for the kids, so he is sort of growing up with them.
I guess our situations are similar. My H is better with the kids in this regard than he is himself. It boggles my mind that he frequently tells me that I shouldn't accept behavior from my son that he exhibits towards me himself. The other day he actually got on my case for accepting emotionally overreactive behavior from my Type 4 sister that is exactly like behavior he exhibits towards me only his is worse. I am better able to tolerate this behavior from my sister because I know she is likely to overreact but a minute later say "I'm sorry I overreacted." because she knows that she has a bad temper but tries to work on it.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
A long time ago I recommended that everyone on this BB should read "The Corrections" by Jonathan Franzen because it is an excellent novel which features both a HDH/LDW relationship and a HDW/LDH relationship. Enid is the HDW who is in her 70s and has spent her entire adult life married to a LDH. He has recently fallen victim to Parkinson's disease and dementia and is in a nursing facility. I think the quote below will illustrate why reading this book might have been one of the things that made me know I had to resolve this problem.
"...Enid undertook to visit him every day, to keep him well dressed, and to bring him homemade treats. She was glad, if nothing else, to have his body back. She'd always loved his size, his shape, his smell, and he was much more available now that he was restrained in a geri chair and unable to form coherent objections to being touched. He let himself be kissed and didn't cringe if her lips lingered a little, he didn't flinch if she stroked his hair."
Just a little ray of literary sunshine to brighten everyone's day.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Quote: A long time ago I recommended that everyone on this BB should read "The Corrections" by Jonathan Franzen because it is an excellent novel which features both a HDH/LDW relationship and a HDW/LDH relationship.
Actually, you jogged my memory about the HDH/LDH marriage (oldest son), where his wife was trying to convince him that he was unhappy with the marriage because he was clinically depressed, not because he had anything to be unhappy about.
Kind of like when, after telling my wife that I was unhappy because we never have sex, she told me that I was responsible for my own feelings.
SM
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." Henry David Thoreau
Quote: Actually, you jogged my memory about the HDH/LDH marriage (oldest son), where his wife was trying to convince him that he was unhappy with the marriage because he was clinically depressed, not because he had anything to be unhappy about.
I was working with a lot of bibliophiles when the book was first published. It was interesting to me that all the men I discussed the book with related to that character more than the other brother. They all felt dead sorry for him.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Quote: It was interesting to me that all the men I discussed the book with related to that character more than the other brother. They all felt dead sorry for him.
Yes, I felt dead sorry for him too. But I related more to the younger brother (Chip?). In my earlier life I felt like I was being crushed by my "potential." Lots of potential, not much actual. I could also relate to his strong but uncomfortable identification with his father. A lot of times I feel like I'm the only one who understands my dad.
Enough about me! Good book!
SM
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." Henry David Thoreau
JJ, Have a great trip...you deserve it. And don't let MrWilson make you feel the least bit guilty. It'll do him good to see what it is like without you around for a little bit.
