OK, to make up for the hijack, lol, here is part of the article from the WSJ about controlled separation:
Family A Time Out for Troubled Marriages: Therapists Push 'Controlled Separation' The Wall Street Journal Online By Hilary Stout
The couple had been married for 10 years, but the relationship had become troubled. They had no kids, not even a pet, no overpowering reason to stay together. They decided to separate.
To most people, that would be a pretty clear sign they were headed for divorce. But that wasn't the idea here.
They sat down with Meg Haycraft, a couples counselor in Chicago, and negotiated detailed terms for something called a "controlled separation."
Time limit: Five weeks, ending April 4.
Living arrangements: He stays, she moves out to a girlfriend's apartment.
Finances: Any purchase over $500 requires consulting each other.
Contact: Three phone calls a week, unlimited emails, a date with each other every Saturday night.
Sex? That was in the contract too. None planned, but if one feels "affectionate" they have the right to "check that out" with the other.
Separation in the U.S. has become essentially a prelude to divorce. But a new approach that has quietly attracted interest over the past few years aims to do the opposite. Controlled separation is usually negotiated in a therapist's office, never in a lawyer's, and its ultimate goal is to save the marriage by putting a concrete limit on the time apart (usually no more than six months) -- and negotiating more than a dozen hot points into a written contract to eliminate the uncertainty, insecurity and second-guessing that can become toxic in a troubled relationship.
The movement is gaining adherents. A small but growing number of therapists across the country are trying to incorporate controlled separation into their practices. (Thirteen of them participated in a 7� hour training session at a marriage conference last month.) Religious groups both here and abroad are using it, including the Hong Kong Catholic Marriage Advisory Council. And the U.S. military has expressed interest in folding it into its programs to help combat the high divorce rate among service men and women.
Controlled separation can be seen as a sort of "time out" to, at least temporarily, halt the move toward divorce. Both husband and wife pledge not to seek legal counsel or file for divorce during the separation. And they agree not to speak about their troubles to others to avoid incendiary gossip. Twelve other areas, from pets, to child care, to sex, are also laid out. In some areas, like personal contact, the contract is so detailed that it not only specifies that the couple will go on "dates" with each other but it stipulates the day of the week and who will initiate them.
