So I'm wondering if my rollercoaster ride will ever end. I have H still at home. he's actually working just outside town, so I have my days back, and share my nights... just like a real family.
I'm really not sure what has happened over the last few months, but the last few days, its like everything is normal again. I'm feeling a little unhappy. I seem to have lost my positive attitude. Infact I'm feeling too much like a doormat. All day I do the typical housewife crap, clean, laundry, cook supper, and after supper I do the dishes while H lies on the couch. The rule use to be that whoever cooked, the other person cleaned up. H can't even put his dishes away. I love doing stuff, don't get me wrong, but when it becomes expected, I start having a problem with this.
I'm still trying to DB, but I feel like H has slipped back into a comfortable role, and I feel like i have to walk on egg shells, just incase he leaves again.
I'm having a hard time dealing with the A. He seems to be okay with is, although he's been home for 2 weeks and we've only ML 3 times. H says he has a hard time ML b/c my belly is so big, meanwhile, I couldn't tell you the last time I felt this horny. As well I'm scared, once while kidding around my H said that "if ones not getting it at home, he's getting it somewhere else". I know he was kidding, but it ways on my mind.
To top off my mood, I seem to have misplaced my wedding ring. I hope that wasn't a sign, but be damned if I know where it went.
I hope this is all normal feelings while working on a marriage that has been sore for such a ong time.
Any tips on how to make the ride smoother? What has worked for others when their spouses returned?
I saved my marriage and so can you....Its all about positive thinking...
PLW, so nice to hear from you. Just wondering what DB book would say about how to get H to do the dishes again. Perhaps some type of different approach? Maybe start using paper plates?
Regarding your mood, aren’t you like mega pregnant? I recall you saying earlier that your hormones were going rampant. Maybe it’s just that again. (Being a guy, I wouldn't know.)
Please, don’t tell me how h***y you are. At least you’ve gotten it 3 times in the last two weeks. I haven’t gotten any in three months!!! As to his comment about your belly, when my W was pregnant, I recall quite a bit of d***y (woof woof) style!
I hope I can cheer you up a little. Take care, hang in there, and let me hear from you.
WAWfighter
(PS, I downloaded your detachment reply to me on my palm pilot and read it often along with some really good others.)
Thanks for the comments WAWFighter and for cheering me up, and sorry for telling you more detail than you wanted to hear.
I do need to take a different approach. I understand that my H is working long hours, but sometimes I feel like its just an excuse. I work hard too, just differnt jobs. And sometimes I feel like I never get a day off, because my job is never ending. I love doing it, but sometimes it would be nice if someone catered to me the way I do to them.
I am mega preg. I have 9 weeks left and am feeling it. I can't wait to have my own body back!!!! I just want to be normal!
So any suggestions on how to get my H to help out more without asking. I'm scared of asking for help because that may lead to sometype of "r" talk, and I don't want to push him away, but I also don't want the same relationship as we had before this crap all happened.
Maybe I'm posting in the wrong spot. Someone must be able to help me with getting my marriage back on a healthy track.
I saved my marriage and so can you....Its all about positive thinking...
I'm so excited, earlier this week I lost my wedding ring. I was so sick to my stomach. I thought maybe that was a sign that my R was over, or maybe not worth working on. We've had our ups and downs, actually, I've had our ups and downs. I was feeling used and sorry for myself and when I lost my ring, I was freaked that it was an omen. My h laughed and told me that my pregnancy had swollowed my brain. That brought on lots of tears.
But tonight H went garbage digging and found it. What a guy!! I'm puking from the smell, and he's digging. I can't believe what a close call that one was.
Then to top off more good news, H bought me a new trailblazer SUV. I've been driving a crappy car for 2 years, with no a/c, no CD player... really ugly metal thing with 4 wheels. We've been looking for a new vehicle, and tonight we got one. I'm flaoting! As well he is.
I know I've said it before, but when you put your mind to it, anything can happen. Just more proof was given to me tonight.
I saved my marriage and so can you....Its all about positive thinking...
Hey Pipe, how are you doing? I think about you often and how you used your positive attitude to win your H back. You've been a real inspiration to me! Anyway, pop by and give us an update, okay! Hugs, Gibeon
So here's an update for those that are wanting to read about something positive....
H has been taken by someone other than aliens. A few months ago he was cold, and lost. Today the complete opposite. H is so different and in every positive way posssible. At one point H didn't want to be married, today everynight he thanks me for marring him. Is going out of his way to do nice things for me like a back rub, or hugs, whatever. Telling me how important we are to him, that he'd be so lost with out us. Planning the future with us in it. Before it was more about him. Before he worked so he could spend the money on his truck and his toys. Today he works so we can do FAMILY holidays and to buy the family stuff. Holidays are about the kids, not about him drinking. We just bought a trailer a few weeks ago and so D2 and I have been travling to him while he works. Everynight we are with him, he makes supper.... Something new. And everynight I hear "why didn't we buy a trailer sooner". He's talking about his feelings more and telling me stuff about work. Before I was in the dark. Today he talks about my roll in the company, telling me to make decisions, before he insited I wasn't part of the company although its on paper. He talks about his excitment for this unborn baby. A few months ago it was all a big mistake. After work if he's cranky, I see the effort he's putting in to be in a good mood. I see through his eyes that he's pure at heart. Something I never saw before. I feel so giddy over him, like my dream will end, yet I know I'm not dreaming. Others have seen the changes both of us are making.
I knew him having this affair would somehow, someway bring out the best in both of us, and it has. In some twisted form, I am so happy that it happened. It was a blessing. I know there are different stages to marriage. And today I feel better than I did when we where first married, yet we're not in the first stages of love. We are happy and I can truely say that H is as well.
Looking back a few months before my world crashed, I should have seen the signs. I was insecure over our M. I was writing in my journal about the rocky R we where having. I remember feeling lost, not having a purpose in life. Not feeling like a mother or a wife, just a female with a job. Today for the first time I feel like a mother and a wife. I feel like I have my own family to care for and they are the most important people in my life. I really have learnt that NO ONE can ever take another human for granted.
I can't tell you enough how happy I am to have been apart of divorce busting. I believe that there was a reason I was at the library that day and found a copy of the book, and to have found this site and all those who have been supporting me.
All I can say for those losing hope.... Hold on!!! Its a rollercoaster ride from hell, but in the long run, we all turn out better than we where before. Hold onto your blessings.
PLW
I saved my marriage and so can you....Its all about positive thinking...
