I'm just feeling sad and confused this morning. I've been thinking about this for a couple of days. I've been trying to figure out what I can do to feel better but it's hard. A couple of things I've noticed since H came back are really bothering me right now. I'm afraid to talk about it cuz I know he is going to be frustrated.
For the 10 years we were together prior to S we always kissed each other good bye in the morning. He usually initiated it. Also during that time he sometimes came over to me in bed and snuggled up for a few minutes. He never does this anymore, except once when I asked. I am really confused by this and feeling rejected. I really want to ask about it, but I don't know how.
Now the kiss thing--he is not a morning person, is usually grouchy and just focused on getting ready for work so I can kinda see this one. This morning he was still in bed when I left and I thought he was kind of awake so I asked for a kiss. He cursed at me and I immediately apologized and said I knew better. But, he did it before at his own initiation. So it's a little confusing too. I want to ask him about both of these things. I want to do it in a way that doesn't put him on the defensive. My goal is to understand why he doesn't want to do this anymore--if I am somehow putting up some kind of barrier, or if there is something he is struggling with. I don't want to just ignore this, it is too important to me. He isn't a touchy, feely guy so it means alot to get it when I do. What should I do? Just leave it alone?
